SMILE!!! :)

2011-10-24T21:54:00.002+08:00

Semester 4. It spells anxiety to me. Can I make it through this semester? It is only the second week and I am freaking out; I cannot remember all that is taught in last semester. I will be giving in my all this time round. This generates more anxiety and I feel worse. Have I forgotten to depend on the Lord? But can I really do well without the anxiety?

Phillipians 4:6 (NIV)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.

I realise that I rarely ask for things from God. He is so rich but I fail to be able to ask him for things. This must change!

2011-05-31T18:41:00.002+08:00

Gastric pains seem to be getting more frequent and more severe. I am quite worried about that. Loss a bit of weight too. Appetite seems unpredictable; a few instances of uncontrolled hunger, and yet other instances too full. Have to wait for next Thursday's appointment to find out more. Am hoping that all is well.

Year 2 means more responsibility for your own education. The academic content seems quite overwhelming, a burden too heavy to bear.

When the Israelites were in the desert, God supplied them with Manna and Quail. I want my Manna and Quail too. I want to reach the promise land together with God's presence. I don't want to be "a stiff-neck people".

2011-02-28T20:29:00.002+08:00

It is my last paper today. Sort of feel out of place all of a sudden; no studies for 6 weeks.

Yet another year.

I had weird dreams recently; dreams that differ far from reality. I dreamt of being a very young kid, with all sorts of childishness exhibited in the dream. I dreamt that I have a very beautiful girlfriend, but the truth is: This girl does not exist in real life, with the fact that I am still single since birth. But to me she is just breathtakingly beautiful. I dreamt that I can swim freestyle, ice-skate like a professional, of which I could not possibly perform in real life. Though they are dream to me, they are heavenly. I mean the emotions precipitated by them is just awesome.

In the previous post I stated "时间能够冲淡一切痛苦". But the pain is revisiting me again in a whole new way. I thought I have already forgiven him. I really cannot stand this. It is as if you get numbed by the pain, and after a period of time of forgetting the incident, the thought rebounds and the pain get even more intense. I want him out of my mind, and, my life. Totally.

2011-01-28T21:07:00.003+08:00

Time hovers by so fast; yet another chinese new year is arriving, the year of the rabbit. My mum's year though. This is the 4th cycle for her.

Time passes, and so pain gets blander. I did not believe this at first. But it is really true to say: 时间能够冲淡一切痛苦。I have forgiven you.

I have chest pain for 3-4weeks already. I am glad that the doctor have announced that it is not the case of angina. However, the pain is like something squeezing my chest, that I feel afraid of the pain everytime it strikes. What is the pain about then?

Week 15 at it's end. Week 16 is CNY. Week 17? Oh I dread it. 3 tests on the same week. Week 18 study week. Week 19 welcomes me, giving me terror in my face as it is time for exam. Then finally the holiday.

I hope, I pray, that God can give me strength and courage to go through this season.

2011-01-01T16:36:00.002+08:00

It is a brand new year and a brand new start, but I wish that not all things are branded :)

Alright I know that was a lame joke.

For this coming year, my expectations for Mark Tan is rather simple; that is to know more about the word of God, especially the Old Testament books, which I take ages to complete. And the most important thing is to know how to quote verses; I remember the word of God but I just forget about the chapter and the verse. I find that quoting the word of God is VERY important in a couple of instances. An instance is when new believers are under the attack of the evil one; you need to quote the verse so that the lies of the devil will be broken. Another example is when there is false teachings, you are not as vulnerable to fall for the deception.

There is this verse Hebrews 4:12.

"For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart."

Do not be surprised that I can get the whole verse here. The Google search is really very effective.

I would also pray that God can groom me to be a leader in his ministry. That is why knowing the Bible well is so important.

2010-10-29T22:40:00.002+08:00

I realised that the devil has been trying to make life as terrible as possible for me. Ever since I have decide to let go of "them", I know the devil will not let me off so easily. But I know that I am under the protection of God as long as I do not give the devil a foothold in my life; by giving up my hatred and bitterness to God. I know that this is the only way that I can restore my broken relationship with God. By forgiving "them", I am not only freeing myself from the toxin of unforgiveness; I am also reconciliating with God. I am awed and touched by how God showed that He still loves me.

There are Tchoukball practices from this week, the first week, to the fourth week, which is the competition week. But it is the first week only and I have already sprained and fractured my left feet. The irony is that Tchoukball is a non-intercept, non-contact game, and I was wearing very good sports wear, with the sport shoe which costs hundred over dollars; and in the end I still ended up with sports injury. It is stated in Wikipedia that sprain might be due to "sudden exercise from sedentary lifestyle", but I would beg to differ. I have been jogging and exercising every alternate day. So there is really no "valid reason" that I sprained my feet. It just does not make any sense at all.

Apart from all that have happened, I have been training myself to be grateful; to count my blessings. I have set aside a beautiful notebook to thank God for every depressing or exciting; disappointing or worth rejoicing; blessings in disguise or explicit blessings; moments that are bad or good. There is just something to be thankful to God about. When we learn to give thanks to God, I believe God will entrust us with more possessions. In this way we will always be full of thanksgiving, never lacking in anything because He cares for those He loves.

2010-09-19T13:20:00.003+08:00

I sincerely apologize for the missing me.

Something weird happened to me about 3 to 4 days ago. I was still deep in sleep; so deep in sleep in the wee hours of the night(maybe it should be morning). All of a sudden I heard a knock... And my Mum's voice, "Why are you bathing so early in the morning?" It was only then that I really woke up. Opening my eyes, I was flabbergasted to see that I was in front of the shower, and my body wet with the cool shower, and I actually took off ALL my clothes in the shower. In actual fact the cold shower should have woke me up from my sleepwalk, but it did not do so to me. Taking a shower at 2am in the morning does not make sense at all. I mean, who would wake up and take a bath, just to go back to bed again? I would say this is the first incident of sleepwalking throughout my entire life. Sounds like a major milestone. Thank God the window grilles are locked.

Yesterday when I was having supper with my Dad and my Dad only, we came to a topic where I replied him,"When I needed protection, you all did not protect me. When I needed the least protection, you all over-protected me." Then Dad asked me if I am referring to "those cases", I really lost control of myself.

I began to hyper-ventilate out of fury and I felt shots of blood shooting throughout the vessels of my whole body. Then when I was able to cool down after drinking my Teh-O, we went home. I had a shower, had a talk with Dad. He once again meddled with the weak spots of my heart. I REALLY went berserk. As I was seating on the bed, I began flinging my pillow and bolster all around. I can honestly tell you if I was seated on a chair near the table, I would be able to overturn them and toss them across the room.

But I was actually quite intimidated by the fact that I might be demonized; because I could not control my emotions, and my Dad mentioned that I looked quite not like my usual self. Or I would say: I have been suppressing these emotions for so long that the let-go of these agony became so explosive.

Yes, it was mixed feelings. Raging tempest, avengement, disappointment, grief, injustice, indignance; you name it, we've got it.

There are so many eye-witnesses, but none stood up to it. Never mind.

2010-04-16T12:54:00.003+08:00

I never seems to succeed in anything I do; lacking in excellence.
1. PSLE.
2. Only got Bronze for all the competitions in my CCAs.
3. 'O' levels
4. My relationship with my Secondary school close friends(currently)
5. I have failed to consolidate friends who once loved God. I don't think they love God now.

It is all my fault. Number 5 matters most to me. You may say that all I want to do is to bring you THERE. But do you know I am sick concerned of your relationship with God? Does your relationship with God matter to you at all? One can backslide if they bo chap about God!

I was rather hurt when you said that I have not been using my brain for quite sometime, that is why I gave such a lousy excuse. Don't your boyfriend take to heart which boy goes out with you? He won't get jealous? You will tell me he is not that kind of person, but I am sure most people will get jealous under such circumstance. What you gonna do, ask him to come along with you? I don't want to be gooseberry!!!!

I will not force you to go to THERE. I will not force you to love God. Just beware.

2010-03-25T16:32:00.002+08:00

This post is for you also.

I am real grateful that you actually spelt out everything regarding what I did that disappointed you. Deep down in my heart I am real sorry... Maybe I am not a good friend at all. I should have been more caring; I was not by your side when you needed someone to share your woes. _______ said I changed; yet you said the same too. I tried reflecting, but I wonder: Will I ever wake up from this long nightmare? Where did the Mark we knew go? I am finding for him too.

How can I treat you as a passerby? 5years; that is how long I knew you. How would I ever give up on our friendship? You were my best friend, you are my best friend, and you will be my best friend.

Actually I wanted to ask you out. But since you already have "him", I find it quite inappropriate to do so. You know why. You know what I mean.

2010-03-14T16:13:00.002+08:00

One is about to get better, yet another one came alongside.

I am glad that Dad don't have to pay that lump sum of money now =) , now with these new "ammunitions". But every week I would have to "get bitten" because of these new "ammunitions", and I hope it will not be too daunting for me.

What Ps Khong said about trials are true; The higher the level you get to in your spiritual walk with God, the tougher it is to combat.

However, I feel very serene; unlike in the initial stage where I questioned God repeatedly. This time round I can sense His presence enveloping me, though I have yet the ability to hear Him again.

I am really not devastated; I still have a God who loves me and a family that cares a lot for me.

2010-02-13T16:08:00.002+08:00

Today is the eve of Chinese New Year and Valentines day. I am so delighted by the thought of getting all my hongbaos tomorrow, yet a wee bit bittersweet as I have no 'stead' since the first day I came into this world. 18years of living single.

At least Christ is my companion, and I believe it is as equally as satisfying as having a courtship with a girl. Christ is my lover. That is enough. I am very much contended. Actually I am rather proud to be single, because I only have to please God and that is all. Life is much more simpler like this. If the Lord wants me to be celibate, I will be so. But who knows who is this surprise girl that God wants me to be with? I am waiting with much anticipation...

2010-01-14T14:47:00.002+08:00

I did not really have this revelation of the cross all along until yesterday, when Ps Khong preached on the exposition on the book of Romans.

We are, by nature, objects of wrath. Yet God sent his Son Jesus to take all the wrath of God that was supposed to be poured out on us. In this way God's wrath will be appeased. Which Father will ever have the heart to do this do his son because of sinners? I will not have the heart to do that. I believe no human being will ever do that. But our loving heavenly Father is willing to do this so that we can stand justified in the name of Jesus. I am greatly awed by this love of the Father.

2010-01-05T18:36:00.003+08:00

Came back from KL yesterday morning at around 4am. The immigration checkpoint was smoother than expected, so in no time I find myself at home.

First day, checked into Swiss Garden Hotel at around 3pm. The next thing we do as a family; shop. After shopping we went to Neway to sing Karaoke. End of first day.

Second day, we shopped again; bandied to and fro Berjaya Times Square and Sungei Wang. Went to watch Alvin and Chipmunk 2; the chipmunks were so adorable, and amusing too. You should try watching it. You will never regret the cost of the movie ticket.

Third day, we shopped again. Checked out from hotel before 12pm, luggages were put at the luggage point. Another day of mundane shopping again. The ladies liked it a lot. The guys have to bear with it awhile. Then we went to Neway again and sang the whole night. Boarded the coach at around 11pm. Sis had mild food poisoning and stomach flu. But she managed to control her nauseating symptom till we reach Singapore. Thank God she did not need to stop the coach to throw up. Everything went on quite smoothly.

Seriously, there is not much of a climax to this time round's vacation, just the dull plot which can be considered as tranquility. My Dad needs just that as he has been working hard in his job and he deserves a good rest. I also learnt that resting can be just that simple; it can be in the midst of a mundane relaxation activity. I always thought that resting means there must be fun, there must be games, there must be something happening. But resting is not only a one-route way; there are multiple ways to arrive at the destination of rest.

What is rest to you? Do you know that you can rest in midst of trials? Just that as long as you depend on the Lord, and know that God is the solver of all problems, you will find rest in Him.

2009-12-31T20:45:00.003+08:00

2009 is coming to an end. To me it is a bittersweet year.

Bitter: Many unpleasant and unexpected things happened.
First, my 'O' level results. I barely missed the mark by one point before I can enter JC.
Second, my condition. I am still at battle with it. And the battle was quite fierce for the past few days. Why? And I ought not question God about him permitting this condition on me. I still cannot understand why. It is a mystery, still.
Third, my "employment". I have been temporarily "fired" by the "boss". Thank God I can go back to the same "company" and the same "department" again, as he has no right to really "fire" me.
Fourth, him. I have decided to leave his "group", and it was quite a heartbreaking sight to see him cry. He only commited some minute mistakes, but I did not think twice before leaving his "group". It was exceedingly deplorable, but what can I do now? Blame myself? It is too late to cry over spilt milk.
All these events, when summed up, are all caused by one culprit: my condition.

Sweet: God has been good to me.
First, I knew it was not in God's plan for me to enter JC, so my path is now more transparent.
Second, though I could not understand what is God doing with me, I am assured that He is by my side, because I see people coming in at the different seasons of my life. People like John, George, and How Thim. Thank you, servants of the Lord! Thank you for drawing out time at your own expense to see me through the mountains and the valleys.
Third, because I became "unemployed", God has allowed me into FCBS, to learn his words and to understand more about Him. It helped me a lot in combating against some false concepts that I believe will not leave me if I had not attended FCBS. I would like to thank all the teachers in FCBS because they have enlightened me and empowered me with lifeskills and imparted to me some Christian values. Thank you so much.
Fourth, I find myself closer to my family members. Thanks to Mum and Dad for being there for me in one of the tough seasons of my life. Thank you for not giving up on me even when it seems almost insuperable to get me healed a few months ago(but now it is possible!!!). Thanks for contributing time and money everytime I meet the doctor. Thank you sister for going out with me occasionally and encouraging me.
Fifth, I find myself having new friends in every season. I have got my Pharmaceutical Science friends and SOL1 friends and FCBS friends. Perhaps God is concerned about my feelings of loneliness, so He sent new friends so that I can befriend them.
These events, when summed up, are the result of one thing: God's Magnamity and Grace.

God turns all bad thing for the good of those who love Him. So to those who are facing trials, be reminded of this.

I hope I had not miss anyone out.

Wishing all who reads this post a Happy New Year. One more hour to 2010. Will be leaving for Kuala Lumpur tomorrow. So thrilled!

2009-12-29T18:35:00.002+08:00

It was 4A'08 class BBQ yesterday.

Met up with Han Ting and Zhe Qing at Jurong East interchange to go to our final destination; that is East Coast Park. Had nice chat with the both of them. We talked about our school life to army to many things that I could now not quite remember.

Then when we finally arrived at the pit, there were greetings. Then many commented that I have put on weight on my face, and that I look round. Round? What's round?

After which went cycling with Han Ting and co. . I was greatly lagging behind as they were far ahead of me. So embarrased. Should not have exercised so vigorously the day before. So "chui"(spoil-spot). I think I could not quite remember what is "chui". Anyway...

It was triggered again after cycling. I should have listened to my Dad's advice; to take a cab back home immediately. I almost made a spectacle of myself in front of my friends. Thank God it was under control. I really thank God.

I am really distraught by the array of choices that I have and that I must make a final decision. They told me that I can try to ask for an appeal. I am so perplexed right now. I really do not know what to do. I will just see how the Lord leads me.

2009-12-25T18:52:00.003+08:00

It is Chistmas Day today, so, MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Yesterday was Christmas eve. Alright, let us talk about the Chirstmas Stomp.

It was presented in a game kind of format. Specifically, it was in the setting of Wii. So the whole plot talks about a boy with his elder sister playing the Christmas Stomp game. Then they introduced to us the fame points and faith points. These points can help purchase perfume from the perfumery. In the end, the two siblings got themselves all the fame points and ended up buying a perfume called the white diamond perfume. But when they went to the Bethlehem Inn to find Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus(who was the King), they realized that they have bought the wrong type of perfume that the King had wanted. What the King wants is either myrrh or frankincense, both of which requires faith points. Then all of a sudden, GAME OVER. I was quite astounded by the abrupt ending of the animation. It could have been a bit better if they could show the siblings restarting the game and get faith points instead and get the right gift for the King, and then show the credits of the people who contributed to the Christmas Stomp. All these are what I personally feel that could be rooms for improvement.

Then it was Pastor Lawrence Khong time to deliver his speech. After the speech and prayer, a lot of people went forward to accept Jesus as their Lord and Saviour. Feel quite thrilled for them, as they will be starting a new life journey; now with the Lord with them.

After which I went out with my SOL friends to eat supper together at one of the markets in Bedok. Had diarrhoea after that. What a way to countdown to Christmas. -.-

2009-12-21T18:18:00.005+08:00

I am rather pleased with the fact that it is the respite right now. And I see myself gaining back the confidence that I have, where not long ago it was the antithesis of me being frigid and even demure. I hope my confidence can be restored back to the initial state. I hope the respite will eventually lead to my complete recovery.

2009-12-20T23:32:00.002+08:00

I am so elated that I have got a new cell phone as my Christmas present! It is the Nokia 6760!!! Can finally enjoy more functionalities from internet to MSN. The button is also like the computer keyboard, which is accompanied with its exquisite design. In conclusion, I like the phone very much. Thanks to Daddy for the new cell phone.

2009-12-18T11:38:00.003+08:00

For the past two days, I am on board a cruise; Star Cruise Virgo. There is really nothing much to help me occupy my time here except browsing through books in the library cabinet and playing the games in the game arcade. I would say the activities that I do on cruise is rather limited and hence, mundane. I could finally not resist the allure of the computer, so I gave in. I have intended to type this new post at home, as the price of surfing the net here is charged by minute. But at least the price is rather reasonable if you don't surf for too long a time.

I was rather disappointed that I could not go out of the cruise to go to Kuala Lumpur yesterday. My parents are still very concern on my well-being even if I go with them. They are worried that my condition will deteriorate again. So initially i thought that it was quite selfish of them to not let me go along with my relatives, but after thinking it through again, it was out of love for me. They do not want me to have a sudden trigger, which could blemish my reputation, since after all my relatives are unaware of what is going on for me. But it is always not safe to keep the skeleton in the cupboard, as finally the cat will be let out of the bag. It is just a matter of time.

Some people just do not understand what I am going through. They commented that it is because I am not mentally tough enough, which is a myth. If I am not mentally tough, I would end up in a rehab centre already. Somethings are really out of my control, but at least I find that it does not affect me emotionally, but it disturbs me. I felt rather perturbed in the beginning when I got it, but gradually the apprehension vanished. I wish that one day it will all be gone, because I really want to be the old Mark.

2009-12-16T15:58:00.003+08:00

Alas, it is the official last day of FCBS for me. I feel ecstatic for the fact that I will not be going to FCBS anymore, and I can have more time to myself, whereas the melancholic part is that I am going to miss the wonderful times I have with the folks I befriended and also I will greatly miss the Bible School. From here on out I have to depend on myself to grow spiritually strong. I must feed myself diligently with the word of God from now on. I do not want flabs in my spiritual body, so I MUST workout!!!

For the exam on Saturday, I really have to invest lots of time studying. I personally feel that studying Systematic Theology II is quite exhausting for a person at my age. Maybe that does not apply to others of my age, but to me it is really seems like a huge mountain to conquer. I wished that I have faith to move mountains. In this way I have a de-tour, which will save a lot of my energy.

Oh Lord, my God, why? How long will you deliver me from this scourge within? I waited in patience for 1year. I have neither motives of leaving you nor complaining to you. I know that you know my limits. But Lord, how long more? All I see is a red, yet colourful, world. Yet I will have hope in Him. Because in Romans 5:3~4, it states: " Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us."

2009-12-13T22:28:00.005+08:00

Went to church today. When I took the bulletine for today, I cannot help but fall in love with the animation guy on the first page. He is so endearing. Up to this point you might think that I am a gay. Let me show you what I mean.

So do inform me if you want to come along for the Christmas Stomp on 24Dec at 7.30pm at EXPO hall 10, with its programme outline: animation cum dance performance. The animation will be starring the guy in the picture above. After which we will be going to eat supper with my other friends, and also be prepared to countdown to Christmas!!!

Then Billy Wang(Dong Fang Bi Li) came to share his personal testimony. He has Leukemia and recently had a relapse. So he shared with us his journey with God, of how he came out of the media world, and his journey in helping people lead a healthy lifestyle through workouts and dancing. From a renown star, he became a teacher to many. I believe he felt more meaningful presently although his dream is to be a star. I would like to emulate him in terms of his hope in God. I will wait too; in quietness and trust.

2009-12-12T21:20:00.003+08:00

Have an appointment with the doctor yesterday. And I am so elated that I will not be seeing him again till next year's February, which is close to 2months! This is the first time where the appointment was prolonged, with each appointments set regularly each month. And the consultation fee was not as exorbitant as the previous time. I really am guilty; Guilty of spurging my parent's money on medication and consultation fees, though I really do not know how to stop it. Shall I lie to them that I am alright from now on? Then I do not have to see their money being flushed down the toilet just like that.

After the appointment, we went to watch movie whereas Mum went to work at Ion Orchard. She works in the food court with the shop name "Padang Padang", so if you are free you can go visit her at basement four.

My Dad and me went to watch "Storm Warriors". I would not say anymore about the plot lest I become a spoil spot, but I would like to comment on the movie. I loved the sound effect and the graphics during the fight of wind and cloud. However, the plot ending was sort of unclear to me. I have qualms regarding the destiny of cloud. There is also a few elements of humour within the show, but really, only a few. I did enjoy the show, but oh no... I almost thought that it was humanly possible to possess those supernatural powers like in the movie. But even if I have the supernatural powers, I will submit it to God to deal with it.

2009-12-10T22:02:00.000+08:00

I am glad that _______ initiated to chat with me yesterday. After reading my blog, she decided to thrash things out with me, simply because she still treats me as a friend, and I am glad about it. That is partly also that she cannot make it for the class BBQ because of her mother's birthday. The conflict was resolved.

2009-12-06T16:08:00.004+08:00

Nothing significant seems to be happening recently; there seems to be no ripple in the ocean, though my life is not to that extend mundane. But in a two weeks time FCBS classes will be coming to an end. I wouldn't say I will badly miss FCBS, but I will indeed feel lost once I come out from there.

I wonder if _______ will be coming for the class BBQ. Have not been chatting with her for close to one week already. I promised her I will never talk to her again. I must be a man of my words. If she comes for the class BBQ, things might change. Maybe she will talk to me again. Maybe we can thrash things out together. But if she does not come, I will treat it that she no longer wants to be my friend.

2009-12-03T18:26:00.002+08:00

Today had course on mentoring and coaching. Then there was sharing of personal testimony. So Tommy, Steven and me took turns to share our testimony. At first I did not want to disclose to them about my life because I feel that I need to have some sense of privacy. However in the end, I still let the cat out of the bag. But it is like as if I shared my burden with two more people, and I indeed feel lighter; the weight has been evenly distributed.

2009-11-29T22:09:00.003+08:00

Just chatted with ______. She is still fuming over I-don't-know-whatever-the-reason-is. I appealed guessing the reason why she is angry and all she said to me was that if I knew her well I will know the reason why she is angry. Hello? I am not your boyfriend or spouse. Somethings I will not know well about you unless we become to that extend, close. Somethings you will have to explain to me, even couples do that to each other, ain't it? So will you be more just to me?

We have been friends for two years. And you want our friendship to be over? Can. But don't you regret.

2009-11-27T15:05:00.002+08:00

It is Hari Raya Haji today. It is really boring to stay at home without anything to do, except for a reflection report that I have to hand up next week and Living Life devotional and doing mind-maps for Systematic Theology II which is examinable.

Seems like I am doing fine with "pink", as since two days ago I have not been having those experiences. Thanks to "pink", and God for seeing me through. The insuperable mountain seems more surmountable now.

How Thim will be going overseas beginning 30Nov and will not be back till 6Dec. No more meet-ups till next year. Will miss him a lot, and I have many issues still unresolved. I believe the experiences are a result of these unresolved issues, so if I can deal with it ASAP, my state might not be that dire. I wish to start the new year well, and not let it be like the current year.

2009-11-26T17:04:00.004+08:00

I have discovered a passage in the Living Life devotional two days ago that evoked my emotions. The following is the short passage that I have read:

The fields were parched and brown from lack of rain, and the crops lay wilting from thirst. People were anxious and irritable as they searched the sky for any sign of relief. Days turned into arid weeks. No rain came.

The ministers of the local churches called for an hour of prayer on the town square the following Saturday. They requested that everyone bring an object of faith for inspiration.

At high noon on the appointed Saturday the townspeople turned out en masse, filling the square with anxious faces and hopeful hearts. The ministers were touched to see the variety of objects clutched in prayerful hands - holy books, crosses, etc.

When the hour ended, as if on magical command, a soft rain began to fall. Cheers swept the crowd as they held their treasured objects high in gratitude and praise. From the middle of the crowd one faith symbol seemed to overshadow all the others: A small nine-year-old child had brought an umbrella.

-Chicken Soup for the Christian Soul, by Laverne W. Hall, edited by Jack Canfield

Ain't that true that all it takes is a simple child-like faith to move the hands of God?

2009-11-24T17:54:00.002+08:00

After school today, I met up with Mum to go for lunch together. Initially some of my classmates had wheedled me to go along with them for lunch. But when one decided to back out, the other one also backed out. So alas I decided that I will have lunch with Mum.

After lunch, it was Mum's interview for a new job; in a boutique shop, located at International Plaza, situated in the CBD. She was quite fickle at first; wondering things from whether there will be business for a boutique shop in the CBD to whether she will have to pack out clothes from the store room. I did not include my personal opinions when she questioned me about whether she should go for the interview or otherwise. At last she decided to go for the interview, where I stayed put in Coffee Bean, scanning through some magazines on the rack, though not the renown ones. She was back in less than 10minutes, stating that there was miscommunication between the person who my Mum called and the manager at that shop outlet, so they will ring my Mum after they discuss about the amount of pay.

Then as we were going home by the MRT, a boy. or perhaps a man, in his late teens looked at my attire, where he took quite a long time glancing. I felt funny so I went to look at myself on the mirror of the lift. Then I realised the way I dressed was awkward. A long shirt accompanied with short shorts, looks "obiang"(not very cool) indeed. I never thought of keeping abreast of fashion, but I never expected that my fashion sense is really so dull. It seems like I am not abashed of my poor fashion sense, because how people view me on my outward appearance is not as important as them viewing my innate qualities and talents.

2009-11-23T16:32:00.005+08:00

In yesterday's Chinese Service at TC, SM Goh Chok Tong came to visit our church. It was a short one. He only stayed for about 10minutes, and we blessed him before he departed from our midst. Could not make it for SOM AGAIN. I have not attended any SOM classes, including the last lesson. The first week I was down with vomiting and dizziness, the following week it was my cousin's first month celebration(man yue). Seems like I have to wait till the next SOM class on the book of Ecclesiastes.
Then my whole faimly went to watch the match between Slingers and KL Dragon at Singapore Indoor Stadium. Slingers lost by 10points, with a score of 68:78. The referees, I personally feel, are "kayu"; minor roughness of the Slingers are viewed as aggressiveness. A few Slinger supporters up there were critising the referees, saying that they will pay them more money so that they will be bribed, and that 5vs8, 3referees that belonged to the KL Dragon. And they kept pouring vulgarities, which according to my sister, were not exhibiting sportsmanship.
Then in the evening I went to play basketball with my sister. Made a couple of new friends. And the whole basketball court only consist of one girl, that is my sister. She is such a sporty girl.

2009-11-21T13:43:00.009+08:00

Coming to the topic of Chemistry: I loathe Chemistry. But there is an approachable lady who aided me in my Chemistry, allowing me to have some, or at least a tinge of interest in Chemistry. To that lady, I would heartily show my appreciation of gratitude to you for your support to me in the time where I was about to give up upon myself, but you gave me the olive leaf of Noah's dove, and there was a glimpse of hope for me at that time. Your help gave me a more valiant attitude towards my study. No wonder you got pregnant, as the Lord blesses those who bless others. God is good. Praise the Lord!

2009-11-19T17:54:00.005+08:00

Came out from class today at 1030. It was then followed by a 1hr plus of stagnating in Borders Bookshop. I liked the book which talked about how to provide a boy with his emotional needs. It is indeed very true that the society views boys as the ones who can take the 'hit' whereas girls must not take the 'hit'. This is a myth as boys do have their vulnerablities too, but they tend hide their emotions and pretend to appear strong on the outside. But the book costs $31.90, so after reading it for about 45minutes I decided to put the book down and moved on to the other sections.

Then I came to the science section. There hides my worst fears; organic chemistry dummies, genetics and biochemistry. Despite the intimidation, I approached the books. Pharmaceutical Science began to implant itself in my mind again. The chemistry terms and diagrams did cause my adrenaline to pump to go for a 'flight' response when I first saw it. I had enough of Chemistry and perhaps, Biology, too(more on Chemistry, though)! I will never buy home a book related to Science.

Then at 1300 I had my lunch with my group members, after which we had our discussion on Project X. Peter Soo gave most of the idea, where the rest of the members like me just listened to him. He is very active in providing ideas. I provided my idea but the usage was limited. It poured when it was time to go home, so we walked along the sheltered paths.

The Bukit Timah region is flooded. Flooding occured at Bendemeer the other time.

2009-11-17T18:03:00.005+08:00

I reached home today at about 4pm. Had lunch with my Mum at Bugis Junction. The Soup Spoon is an ideal place for people planning to go on the vegetarian route to dieting. All I have to say is that the meal was both scrumptuous and sumptuous. We had a great meal together. Then we went Cold Storage.

The real test began at Cold Storage. But the apprehension that was usually attached vanished. After so many months of struggling over these encounters, I discovered that I grew more in audacity and courage when facing these experiences. I would say I see myself grow through this whole process. However, I wonder how long these experiences would last; a few weeks more, a few months more, or a few years to come? Never did I blame God on what happened to me, neither did I complain of what I am facing. But I waited in silence, seeing if God wants to put me to the test me further. I will never take it to heart if God allows the worsening of my current condition, or if he allows other bad things to happen to me, because I know it is for my good. I don't mind if my world collapse, seriously. I understand that he knows how much I can take, and will not see me into destruction.

God is good; one went, and another came. He did not abandon me as an orphan. Apart from the Holy Spirit, he sent me yet another person. He has been coaching me like a son, though he has only three daughters and no sons. God's plans are impeccable; too flawless to be comprehended by the human mind. But to the former; I had never blamed you nor held any grudge against you. I learnt that you indeed have your limitations, but please tend after your drove of sheep closely, lest they become like the one who has found its way to another shepherd. Please do something before the flock gets dispersed. But to the latter, many thanksgivings I bestow you; despite your limitations you still withdrew time for our fellowship. You never grew weary from your work, your family, and your ministry, for the Lord is your strength; He renewed your wings like that of an eagle.

To George: Don't feel bad that you could not do anything to help me. You have helped me in a lot of ways, especially Faith; I indeed learnt a lot from you. God has sent me someone who will take good care for me, so no worries for me. =) Thanks for your efforts in helping me, I really appreciate it.

2009-10-20T21:52:00.003+08:00

It's been close to two months already.

FCBS is a great place to learn; from leading worship to learning the word. I might be "unemployed" currently, but I know that God has his plan; for He has plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give us a new hope. So why shall I worry? He will sure give me a "job" soon. Next April.

2009-09-18T21:42:00.002+08:00

Hi.
I don't feel like updating my blog.
So Bored.
In general, my life is ok
Yawn.
I think that's all with updating my blog.
Bye.
(This is an example of a chiastic structure =) )

2009-06-20T17:48:00.003+08:00

Thank you for spending time at your own expanse to accompanying me to East Coast Park today. I indeed feel alot better after that shout and felt some kind of a relief and joy and peace. Thank you for the hug; you made me realise how God still loves me no matter what becomes of me. Thank you for the olive leaf that Noah received. Thank you for alot of things. Thank you for your Monday nights. Thank you for comforting me. Thank you for seeing me through this season of my life. Thank you for supporting me. Thank you for being my brother-in-christ cos I enjoy having a brother like you that is a role model to me. Thank you for correcting me when I'm wrong. Thank you for loving me even though I know I'm not loveable. Thank you for your efforts in grooming my character. Thank you for not giving up on me even though I have almost given up on myself. Thank you for understanding me. Thank you for running by my side. Thank you for being frank in telling me your own life-story cos I feel I can learn alot from it. Thank you for the encouragements. Thank you so much.

2009-06-15T00:47:00.003+08:00

My two weeks mid-sem break is here!

If Mark were to say it's a two-weeks holiday, I would be considered self-deceiving, because there are common tests the week after next, that is also inclusive of 4projects which dues on Week 15. And reports!!!! wah!!!!

Talking about today. My Dad brought my grandfather along to eat dim sum. After the 'yum yum', we headed straight to Mount Faber. We were finding ways to reach the bridge at the summit, and we did it -.-

Then we went to TCT for chinese service and we bumped into Choon Yong. FYI Choon Yong is my father's cell group leader.

Just went to Simon's house with Mum to see his baby daughter. She's so cute; her face was flushing like new year's day ang pow.Then we have a short conversation with them. I gradually realise that he has aged alot since the last time I met him. His wrinkles are appearing near the eyes region already.

So here I am again back at home. Good night! Auf wiedersehen!

2009-06-05T13:26:00.003+08:00

I've changed
Yes I've changed
You think that I've changed
Mum,Dad and Sis felt that I changed,
even I felt that I've changed.

Some changes are inevitable.
If changes hadn't happened to me
Would I have changed?
But change is for my growth, so
I'm no longer that small kid you used to know.

I hate changes too, in fact
I hate the fact that I have changed.
I want to be as in the past, carefree and naive,
But I have to grow, so please know
How get used to the changes in me.
I'm still the one that you used to know,
except with changes.

2009-05-20T20:29:00.003+08:00

Hi all. Going for lessons on weekdays have become a kind of norm for me already. I really have to accept some facts about my course; I have to go through those three years dealing with chemicals and microorganisms!!!!!! Argh!!!!!!

I'm still wondering why our German teacher is not teaching us prepositions and the whatever-German-rules-may-it-be, but I'm glad he's teaching us how to count =D

I hate Physical Chem!!!! All the new laws again! What Bronsted-Lowry and Henderson-Hasselbalch law!!!!! So KNS!!!! opps...

Everything is fine for me =) Auf Wiedersehen!!!

2009-05-07T07:46:00.002+08:00

Why? She gave up and avoided her passion because of me. I feel so touched, at the same time useless; Useless for not being able to convince her that she should revive her passion. I caused someone to lose her passion. I'm such a rotten meat.=(

2009-05-02T23:50:00.002+08:00

Hi all! The assignments and projects here in my course is still manageable so far, but i begin to have headache remembering new stuffs! Esp the gas laws in physical chem! There's the A to D law that i just realised; Avogradro's, Boyle's, Charles', and Dalton's Laws. Still got that dunno what ideal gas law. Hope God will be there to support me through these tough times of learning.

I went to Edward's house on Friday night for cell meeting, which was Labour day. Had a great time of sharing life stories and learning to discern if a man is a follower of God's ways.

2009-04-29T23:00:00.002+08:00

Hi all! Mark is here to update his blog again!

I would say that the recent assignments and lessons are rather manageable and not much of difficulty. However, I'm rather shaken when I see all the safety procedures in the lab and the chemicals that will corrode and that are poisonous. I don't want to be corroded or poisoned by chemicals!!!!! *Sighs*

I don't know how I ended up in Pharmaceutical Science. God save me!

2009-04-21T22:03:00.002+08:00

Hi all! It's been two days of Poly life and things are going on fine. I have particular worries like what to print off the computer and when must we configure our laptops. There's no particular reason to be worried about all these, 'cos I've got more to worry; my studies.

I had my first German elective lesson yesterday and I would say it was pretty hard to get a hold on it at first. After practising many times, I would say it wasn't as difficult as I have thought it would have been. Entschuldigung means 'excuse me' and danke means 'thank you'. Last of all, I want to say Gute Nacht to all of you, which means Good Night. I'm going to bed soon. Auf Wiedersehen(Till we meet again) =)

2009-04-16T09:58:00.004+08:00

Hi all! I'm here to update my blog again. I've visited my NYP portal to check on my timetable. Mondays are really super duper long days! 6 hours of lessons with 4hours of interval! Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays are better as the time interval are 1~2 hours and there are only 4hours of lessons. Fridays are 5hours of lessons.

What to do during the hours interval? Study together!!! Shall we gather at the library to revise together? Tag me so I know how many of you want to join us for study group. Let's all work together and strive for Uni, ok? =)

2009-04-09T17:00:00.003+08:00

Hi all! I am recently attending the orientation for NYP School of Chemical and Life Sciences. In this orientation programme I did make a lot of new friends. I'm in fact surprise that I can make friends; I thought poly life means politics, and didn't even expect making any friends at all in the first place. I'm real glad that the people in my class are warm, and I have a few friends that are fellow brothers and sisters in Christ. I would say it is God's plan that He had planned me in my course.

Talking about orientation, the first day were games. We played games, from ice-breakers to Amazing Race to telematch.

The second day was also enjoyable. We got introduction to our elective modules, and I'm planning to take up German. I know it is hard, but I've got no choice. The Kiasu Singaporeans had waited up till 12mn last night to make basic chinese and malay their elective. Coming back to second day programme; there were also skit preparation and skit performance. Keefe put up an act as an effeminate student which brought the house down. We got 2nd in place for best skit, so it's considered that our skit was of good quality.

Then on Wednesday we went back to school for only 1hour to attend an IT lesson on e-library. Today we had team building session with our school's discipline master. He says he doesn't want us to think of him in the negative side but more of a positive side; the positive side is to discipline without punishing as in teaching us on how to work together as a class. I'm quite satisfied with his explanation of himself as a discipline master though, but I think he can be real fierce and firm when he wants to be.

That's all folks. My life is smooth sailing, and I hope yours is so too =).

2009-04-04T16:36:00.004+08:00

Hi all! Sorry for my long absence again. Actually I got nothing much to post, but to say I'm living fine and I know I'm being lame. Just to assure all of you that I am still actively checking my blog. Thank you and I hope to see yours tags =).

2009-03-26T15:16:00.006+08:00

It's been a long time since I last update, but please forgive me again for not being able to give a lengthy post.

I went out with Shiang Ning yesterday to have a pre-birthday celebration. So we exchanged birthday presents. I gave her Mac eyeshadow black and she gave me a set of acrylic paints. Female's make-up is the face; Male's make-up is the paper(At least it applies for me)! I really enjoyed her company of shopping with me for two hours at IMM. It has been one whole month alone by myself so it was rather boring, and that is why I'm glad she was willing to do so.

Today was great also. Dad has off today so he brought me and mum out for breakfast, then to East Coast Park. It has really been a long time since I got breeze and ray on my face. We had a jolly time sitting near the beach, then we went to my future school, NYP.

NYP is very spacious; from their walkways to food centres to shops. After passing lockers and notice boards, we went into "KouFu" and had our lunch there. Then we went home again. =( I don't feel like going out neither =(

Thanks for reading this post. I can see a couple of you coming here faithfully to check on my posts.

2009-03-17T11:09:00.004+08:00

Hi all! Long time no see again! =) I thought my blog was dead. Actually I've got nothing to type lah... But just want to update to show all of you that my blog is still alive kay!

Recently, I mainly spend my time on facebook and art. These two are rather time-killing, so I took up these two hobbies. In the whole, yeah I am fine. =D Hope to see all of you soon. I promise to mass spam my blog once poly starts so as to give all of you insights into my poly life! =) But for now, really got nothing to update... So sry :(

2009-03-04T02:43:00.005+08:00

Hi all!!! It has been a long time since I last update. I admit I'm quite addicted to facebook ok =) But I will occasionally still check my blog for any request regarding my blog. I know my blog is close to dead, but I will try very much possible to update whenever possible.

Feeling loadless nowadays, past memories do indeed visit me again. In such a busy and bustling city like Singapore, have you ever pause and reflect and look back into your pass? Perhaps it's the stress that prevents people from looking back. However, these few days I'm led back to my early childhood.

I can only remember things as of 5years old. When I was a kindergarten kid, I was some sort of ostracized by my classmates because I was sitting amongst girls in my group and the girls don't like boys, where all the boys are grouped together, and the girl in their group benefit 'cos boys don't really care about hating girls at that age. So if you will to see, my K1 life was terribly lonely. I was writing with my righthand and my teachers all complained of my atrocious handwriting.

Until I changed to Milk and Honey Kindergarten when I was K2. The teachers there treated me more like a child. The class consists of lesser children so there was no grouping. So I made friends and I had self-discovery that I'm a left-hander from one of my teachers. My handwriting definitely improved tremendously. I re-learnt A-Z when I was 6years old. As you can see, I was a slow-learner.

Eventually I entered primary school. Not going to give you a grandfather's story but will be picking out some milestones. I didn't like my tuition teachers for specific reasons and I'm not going to post here. My school was an all-boys school. I had friends that took advantaged of my innocence by making me fall into their tricks, but I didn't do it back to them because that is graciousness. I know in my heart too who are they. Yet some of them keep taking it for granted. The more I keep it to myself, the more they want to hurt me. They just want me to look awful in front of the teachers. Lucky the teachers shut an eye. I had only a few exceptionally close friends that I'm still in touch with today. I didn't miss my primary school as much as my secondary school. Perhaps it would be that I don't want to remember somethings that are awful.

When I was in Sunday School I thought I knew what God is all about. Pray, read the bible, fast, be righteous, give tithes. 'Aren't all these the right way to live a Christian life?' I thought to myself. I was so blinded that I realised that I went church to see my friends every Sunday and to be well-liked. I was so foolish to memorise memory verses blindly and take them literally. I like to carry out 'ritual', and it is tiring. It was even tiring when I went to adult service with my parents and when I return, I see all my Sunday-school teachers give me the sour look. I had enough and I left Sunday-school. Enough is enough. I quit. I don't read the bible anymore, and I just go to church to 'see show' and to please my parents. Deep down it was agonizing.

Perhaps some of you have heard of my life-story before, but these are the things that I reflected upon, so do mind bearing with me.

I was really blaming God for all He has done to my life. Got a below expected score and went into Jurongville Sec. I was asking: "God, if you are really so real and so almighty, why despite my prayer, you still did not fufill what I wanted?" I admit I did treat God as a vending machine then.

I eventually started school, and I'm surprised that this time I made so much more friends than before. And God is good to provide me with a friend of the same birthday as me so we can celebrate it together annually. For my Primary school years, I don't remember any memorable birthday surprises in school. I also feel happier, because the people in school do not practise politics in school. There was so much more of trust and freedom. Away from backstabbing and hurts. God has indeed placed me in the right environment. Imagine if I enter those all-boys schools again; I think I wouldn't be the Mark you know now.

Joined 86th coy Boys' Brigade. Got into a cell group and started going to Youth service at EXPO Max Pavillion every Sunday. I didn't know why, but a warm feeling began to bloom in my heart. It was the warmth of the Lord. I didn't know when it started or even remembered the exact time or date, but I can feel the grace and love of God. I can also feel the warmth in my heart.

God gave me a miracle at sec4 to let me see of his presence in hardship. Reference: Archive June 2008. He hadn't give up on me so I didn't give up on me.

But recently my heart began to doubt Him. I expected to enter business/humanities-related courses, but end up in Science-related courses. I promised myself no more to take Science anymore throughout my life, because I don't see that I will excel in it in any way. I shake even when I hold the test-tube. And all memory work when my memory is terrible. I suddenly begin to feel if he knows me inside out or not. I'll be considered idiot if I still think that my maker don't know me inside out. But I feel that way. I feel dumb too. Will a potter not know his clay inside out?

Until two daya ago I finally realised that what I know about myself might be wrong. My dad and me went down to downstair's kopitiam to have coffee drink. Looking at my expression is like reading a book to him. So he began to remind me of his life again. He told me about it before, but somehow I don't see a link of his job to my study.

It is a bit confidential here though I wish to type, so I'll type what I can. Seeing the US economy crash slipping past him confirmed God's perfect plan for his life. He also did not expect to be in what he is working as now, with a salary good enough to feed four. And it's not just recent things that happened, but even before that, things seem to slip past and go, so now he is still working fine at this age. If God has made a path for Dad, so will He make a path for all of us, as long as we ask Him for direction. If He tilts your path it doesn't mean he is thwarting your life; perhaps it is to avoid certain disastrous things that might happen to you.

My doubt is still in midst of dissolving, but I really pray that there will be a promise for my future if I continue to believe in Him.

2009-02-26T21:55:00.002+08:00

Hi all. It's been a long, long, long, long time since I've last updated. Under huge pressure of many of my friends and juniors, I've decided to finally update my blog. It's not that I do not want to update my blog; it's just that the things that I will to update might be quite trivial, so there's nothing to update about each time.

Sunday was Promotion Ceremony on Bukit Timah Hill. After climbing down the hill, we went to Bukit Timah Food and Drinks Centre to have breakfast. After which me and Soon Lee went home together on 52 from a bus stop opposite NP. Then went to chinese service with my family. Then went home and stay home for the whole day.

Monday was spent whole day at home. Went to SATA medical clinic at Jurong East on Tuesday afternoon. Got a series of check-ups from urine's dipstick test to blood pressure test. Was so shocked when I saw my urine of froth sticking to the cup surface. Lucky the report put negative for glucose, blood, and albumin, then I heaved a great sigh of relief.

Overslept for afternoon nap on Wednesday, so didn't manage to make it for AQ training. Thursday is today. Went polyclinic to visit the doctor. So that's all folks. More details, please log on to www.facebook.com to see my profile. Thank you and hope to post again.

2009-02-15T00:06:00.002+08:00

Happy Velentine's Day!!!

My Valentine's Day is so bland. Went to parade this morning. Chin Boon passed me his lecture notes:) He say will pass me the remaining ones next week:) At least can help me kill some free time at home.

Then went home and rest till about 4pm and went out with parents to Vienna buffet at United Square. The food there is super scrumptous & sumptous(opps... primary school food desciption). You should go try it 'cos you will dream of going back many more times (opps... I just aided some marketing for Vienna =X). It would be good to call 100 and ask for Vienna's number and then call Vienna restaurant to reserve seats for you... 'cos the probability for an empty air-conditioned seat unreserved is close to a zero-percent. Anyway I felt like a gooseberry(my mum and dad needed some time of romantic ambience in the restaurant),so two's a company, three's a crowd =X

So that's it for Valentine's Day. God is my Valentine :))

2009-02-13T12:23:00.003+08:00

Hi to everyone who sees this post!!! I've not been updating my posts regularly nowadays; 'cos I am busy with facebook! Anyway, I really found back a lot of my Primary School classmates and friends through the facebook. Was so afraid I will completely lose contact with all of them. I had never expected of finding them back, but somehow I did =)

I wonder what would be this season of my life going to be, but it seems somewhat significant to me, yet in very subtle ways. I am shifted to a new place, new environment with new friends(perhaps with a few older ones),and I begin to feel quite wavered and insecure. But I will trust in Him that there is a special reason why I am placed in this school, this course, this time. Still anticipating for my purpose and future.

When I went back to school two days ago to take my award and to join in AQ training, I saw a lot of my 4A'08 classmates return. Lots of them are wearing the JJC PE shirt and Skirt/pants. I have to accept the fact that I'll no longer be wearing uniform ever again(except NS). I will miss them lots =( and I will miss some of the teachers(though not all).

So as you can see there is really a major transition in my life. I unexpectantly found back my Primary School friends, see all my secondary school friends getting posted to different schools, and see myself going into quite an unexpected course. Can you imagine what are my emotions? They are jumbled, with ingredients of elation, excitement, surprise, nervousness, bitter-sweetness, melancholy, disappointment and fear. All in one go. My emotion meter has really in one way or another lost sensitivity.

2009-02-08T22:16:00.004+08:00

Wow! It has been a long day outside.

Went to Morning service, then attended 4W held by Ps William. Learnt quite a lot of things. For example, some skills you might apply to make the cell more effective, but the main emphasis was not the strategies. For the cell to stand, only the love of God can sustain its foundation.

So I went out with my sister to Takashimaya Shopping Centre. We shopped, ate, bought, and I found her buying lots of things, whereas I bought nothing at all :(

Actually we went up to Kinokuniya book store. Had the initial intention of purchasing some books for occupying my time for the next 2months of staring out of the window. But I changed my mind again. I'll be visiting the library again right? Why not borrow the book than buy the book? So to save some cash, I decided to cool down my impulse by having more self-control.

My sister couldn't resist the temptation of facial-art materials everytime she looks at it. Is she addicted to make-up? O.o I was really surprised by what facial-art provide its artist with. I went in SaSa with my sis, and discovered a sharperner!!!! And the paintbrushes!!!! And the colour pencils(Mascara)!!! And the Thiner(nail-polish remover-.-")!!! So you can see the variety of 'art supplies' you can get in a cosmetic shop. The sharperner was super expensive, tree dollars plus, and I'll never buy it because to sharpen a colour pencil, I can just buy those cheap ones at my school bookshop at one dollar!

Here's my sis very own vid!!

Anyway, thank you Wenliang for borrowing me your sem 1 notes. Will be going through it ASAP so that Rebecca can receive it fast and then return you fast also.

2009-02-06T22:57:00.003+08:00

Hi all again! I've not been consistently updating my blog as I'm recently rather busy visiting the library. Have not visited the library for ages already, so I really do miss the smell of books.

Actually, I have accepted the fact of fate that I'll be taking this course, although I did not intend to pick up this course initially. However, it is already a fact, and so there's no point regretting on things that cannot be undone, or things that I was not able to accomplish. I believe my thinking and my heart is gradually changing; changing to accept reality, to become more adaptable to things outside my comfort zone.

However, I was greatly distressed by the news that the statistics for University Admission rate for NP and SP is higher. This means that I'll have to study arduously hard. People from better Secondary Schools like CHIJ, that don't take the 'Thru-Train route' will be brought into the scene and the competition will be great. So a neighbourhood student like me; I have to use true self-discipline to study harder. I don't believe I cannot enter a local university. I shall prove to you. You know who I'm referring to :)

I'm not saying you are trying to pour wet blanket on me; It's just that I don't want to let my parents pay too much for my education. You shouldn't encourage me to ask my parents to send me to go abroad for University. I want to use true capabiliities and compete to the best! I don't want to keep using my parent's money, 'cos I feel guilty to keep doing so. So I would like to challenge you for local-U; Are you game?

2009-02-02T23:22:00.005+08:00

Hi all! Let me describe to you the events that happened in the period that I was away.

Let's start from Sunday. Went for Chinese service at TCT at around 11.30am. After church, had a bit of lunch and headed straight to my relative's house. Have yet to introduce to you my cousin who is about 1+ old, and her name is called Luvyna. We don't call her that though, as 'le xuan' sounds better. Here is a video on her:

Isn't she cute?

So that was for Sunday. Went to help my mum's florist again on Monday. Then the rest of the day was stoning at home serving facebook and games.

Tuesday was day out with Ernest and Benjamin Lam. Have not met Benjamin since sec1 and Ernest since sec2. So we met at Bishan Junction8 and shopped from afternoon 3pm to evening 9pm. No wonder my leg was dull numb when I took off my shoes. Shopping at Bishan and seeing two of my primary school friends helped me to reminisce a lot about my childhood. Perhaps I used to linger around the city area in my childhood days, but I got back the feelings of my past, the feelings that I lost for the past 4years studying and living all in Jurong. No wonder I felt so queasy when I visited NYP, a familiar yet undescribable feeling.

Talking about today: I went out with Rebecca and Pebbles to Jurong East Library, to research on our course modules. Instead, we went to eat lunch at IMM from 2~4pm! So we wasted quite a lot of time. Rebecca felt tired and eventually left early, so me and Pebbles made our way to JE regional library by bus 11 and eventually reached destination. Pebbles is a novel-freak. She borrows 4books at one go and will finish all of them by date due. I will never be able to do so man! That's why throughout the years I have outstanding fine payments that caused a hole in me and my parents' pockets. So she went to the novel section and me to the reference section. Eventually she messaged me that she'll be going home. In other words, it would have been the same to come to the library alone!

2009-01-30T20:50:00.004+08:00

Woke up at 8.06am today. So 'zhun' right? Woke up 6minutes after the sms was sent by MOE. I was actually very deep into my sleep, but somehow I wonder what had woke me up. Whether it is excitement, or anxiety, or anticipation, I still have to face the posting results.

Got into Nanyang Polytechnic's Pharmaceutical Science. I was really surprised why I didn't feel shocked or surprise or anything like that. Rebecca's words yesterday woke me up. Life is not always ideal. So when the posting results came, I felt pure calm.

However, I really want to thank God for something: I was not able to enter Molecular Biotechnology. I would rather take Pharmaceutical Science in a polytechnic which is a bit further than NP than to take that course. My Physics was not as good as my Bio/Chem, although PS involves a few bit of Physics.

Anyway, where to go from here on out? Just study hard and enter a University and get a Degree. That makes no difference from the JC route, only a bit longer if you have no exemption. My only last prayer for this JAE exercise is that I'll learn to embrace and enjoy this course for the next 3years. No matter what I do, I'm going to do it all for His sake, not mine. Most importantly, if He feels please with me, I am willing to do anything for Him.

At around 2pm, went to see 'Wedding game' with Wee Khong, Wen Hui, Juanne, Charis and Rebecca. The whole show so funny. Not going to give a review unless anyone says I'm a spoil spot. Heard that Wee Khong entered JJC, Wen Hui entered ACJC. The rest entered polytechnic courses, but definitely good ones. I feel happy for all my friends; Good luck to your future endeavours.

2009-01-29T21:35:00.002+08:00

Hi! I'm recently very involved in what is very renowned for its popularity: Facebook.

The PetSociety was quite fun as it allows people to create their own pets and personalise their homes, looks, and leave messages. As OSN stated in her very own blog, it is indeed a new species of game with both the combination of Neopets and Habbo. Other than the PetSociety, there are also other games such as 'Who has the biggest brain' which I thought was very amusing to see them countdown with 3brains, 2brains, then 1brain and then the host of the game appear. The game is to test your IQ, which was fairly a challenging game. Then was another game known as 'Word Challenge'. It was quite a nice game as time was a great factor. You have to form as much words with the letters provided. It was sort of 'addictive', but temporary addiction, so you don't have to fear being hooked to the game for long hours in front of the computer.

The rest of my whole day includes adding other functionalities like the xatquiz which is located above this post. Came up with quite a lot of questions so that you will get to know and understand me better. Some questions are very challenging(like what is my birthday 'cos memory comes into play also), while others can be done simply by being more observant (How I react in anger, etc). Most importantly pls remember to have fun. And pls feedback to me about myself in the poll section 'cos I am fairly serious in self-improvement, so please give the most suitable feedback.

Just talked with Rebecca in the phone just now regarding the JAE. And I got new insights and discoveries into my results. I overlooked the L1R2B2 for business. And I got 18 points, with CCA bonus can only obtain 16 points. Wonder which business course will accept me. So I was quite disappointed but I could neither cry, nor feel emo; but I feel pure calm. Not pure clam 'cos you can only get it at the seaside, but pure calm. Perhaps my heart is already dead.

2009-01-27T20:51:00.004+08:00

It's the second day of the Lunar New Year and the same process of visitation of my relatives and cousin's house still continues. However, we had breakfast in the morning at 7-Star Restaurant(sounds high-class right?) which sells mostly dim sum and the queue was exceedingly long. Able to heave a sigh as the others are already at the table long before us, and it felt quite awkward to walk in late. However, the ice was broken in matters of seconds, and paradoxysms of laughter broke out across the tables, and the food definitely was as good as the interaction there. I really missed my cousins and relatives a lot as we really SELDOM meet. As we age in matters of years, the frequency of our contact gets fewer and fewer. What about in the future when we all have successful careers an families? Just hope to be able to see my cousins and relatives at least once a year as they have been present in my childhood memories very vividly.

Right after the breakfast we headed straight to the Lentor Residence, a nursing home for old patients, which was only a few streets away, located in Yio Chu Kang also. She is my 'Ah-Zhor', otherwise known as my great-grandmother from the maternal side. Despite living for 90plus years, she still has a complete set of teeth. Can you believe it? Her calcium in her body is so suffice that she can chew without much difficulty. However, she is suffering from Senile Dermentia, so she cannot recall any of us at all, perhaps only my grandma, and she has also lost her ability of speech already, even the most basic facial expressions. But I can see through her eyes that she is excited, seeing so many people gathering and seeing my grandma feeding her.

Talking about my grandma's positive qualities again; I really admire her ability to let go of certain things that will do good upon letting go. She has the ability to forgive. My 'Ah-Zhor' might have mistreated her when she was younger due to the traditional theory of "Zhong Nan Qing Nu"(Being biased towards boys), yet my grandma was able to forgive her of all that she has done, and even to the extend of visiting her as frequently as possible, especially during festive seasons. I could see that it was love that motivated her to doing this act; the act of loving the people who hurt you most by forgiveness and avenging with goodness. I feel that Grandma should bring us to visit Ah-Zhor more often, so that the coming generations will see and learn this extraodinary love of kinship.

Talking about ourselves. Probably you have a person who have hurt you before, and you think of hurting the person in return. Think again. The best avengement would be returning good for evil, for then the true victory comes; The victory of winning over the heart of the one who hurt you. True love endures all fire.

2009-01-26T23:14:00.008+08:00

Hi! I'm back from the Lunar New Year visitation of my relative's house.

It has been a looooooooooooong time since I last met my relatives. They grew quite alot, especially the boys. So I'm constantly having the inadequacy of feeling tall. I was super surprised that none of my relatives queried anything regarding my results, as if they knew it all already. However, I really appreciate their sensitivity towards my feelings, and the day did run smooth today.

However, most of the time have been spent in front of the television. The adults are all having their entertainment on a squarish table stacked with cuboids(am I too implicit? =X). Nothing much to do for me as I don't even have the basic skills for that game. So the rest of the day for me has been rather dry; eating goodies and watching a series of TV dramas(perhaps it is to prepare me for Movie Marathon? O.o)

However, the same scene keep coming back to me in between periods of today. I'm pretty disturbed by it. Yesterday when I was at Expo MRT interchange, I asked Kenny to wait for me to buy something from 7-Eleven. We just came out for service, so we can take our time for our journey home. So after buying a bottle of coffee, I remained outside for awhile as Kenny said he wanted to buy some drink. So he went inside the 7-Eleven store. I'm alone outside the store, so I keep waiting for him. And here comes a group of people; China-looking family; Consists of a boy, a girl, (both about 4years old estimating from their height) a father, and an uncle. The uncle was not obvious in the scene at first, but the most disturbing thing happened. I do not really know what the children did to agitate the father so much, but the father did a close to inhumane act. He had the heart to kick his very own children; three times in public. I was seriously traumatized(can you imagine the poor children?). You can spank the child with the hand, but never kick them with the feet(and with his filthy shoe). If not the uncle quickly came in to stop him, he would have continued kicking his children till they bleed. And worse of all it happened in public, yet everyone was like me, closing an eye to such public abuse acts. I feel really regretful and guilty for not approaching the father and telling him off, yet I'm equally afraid as I'm not prepared to get hit a black eye. The uncle also did not tell the dad off, which I feel was super wrong. He seem to have no sign of shock or panic when the dad kicked his children; which could probably mean the children might have been abused many times in the same or different manner before.

I would very much appreciate should the government better educate its citizens on how to react to abuse incidents, whether it is for private or public abuse. The television might be a source, but having such education in schools to educate children since young might be even more effective to help children better understand what is abuse and whether they are in any form of it, and also teaching the students on what to do if they are being abused.

I'm just worried for these children's future. With an abusive father, they might grow up with the wrong values, and I really pray very, very hard that the Lord will one day change the father's heart, as it is stated in a bible verse "I will turn the hearts of the Father to the children, and the hearts of the children to the father". There is nothing more pleasing then to see a family joining in one body and leading a peaceful and meaningful life together.

2009-01-25T00:22:00.006+08:00

Yesterday would be the last day that I'll be helping my mother being her assistant florist for the Lunar New Year this year.

My maternal Grandma came to visit our stall, and she is quite of a blessing to our stall as many people who find her face familiar came over to buy a few stalk of flowers to show their appreciation to her.

Now a debrief for helping my Mum for the past 2~3weeks. I learnt quite a lot of lessons and overcame quite a lot of my personal boundaries. So here are the lists of things I've learnt:

1. How to overcome my Anthophobia(Fear of plants)

2. To love your enemies (I won't mention who)

3. Some skills that Mum imparted to me
4. Understand old folks (though there is still room for improvement)

5. To understand that the heart is more important than the appearance(I shall elaborate)

I would like to elaborate on the last point. The folks around that vicinity might be rather aged, but most of them are actually nice people. Some are really so lively and energetic even at an age of 80, but are able to walk on two feet with a straight posture, accompanied with their warmth (there's one who advise me to sleep and eat enough so I can grow up well which I thought was very thoughtful for an old lady like her).

Back to the first pointer, I would like to appreciate my sister for aiding me to overcome my Anthophobia. I no longer fear Carnivorous plants, what more normal flowers like orchid and roses. I remember a month back I was so fearful of such flowers that I would immediately shiver in sweat. The orchid looked like a face with its tongue stucking out in my face; the roses seem to be hiding something sinister under its petals; the Pitcher plant looked hungry for me with a long throat and a deadly mouth, speaking to me the words "I want to eat you". You wouldn't believe it is the Mark you know, would you? Looking back, I really feel very ashamed of my own childishness in the way I think.

The other time I thought I overcame the fear, yet somehow it relapsed again. However this time it shall never re-occur again. I finally understood; It is perception that is deceiving me. How I look at the flower at a certain angle give me a certain image. If you suspend the picture of the plant 180degrees, it become like a new species, but it is the same one in fact. Those ghost films make use of this technique too; simply placing a normal-looking face in suspension downwards; yet the eyes that seem to stare at you will freak you out. Here is an example:

Here is the right side up... now the suspension:

This applies for life too. As long as you look at certain situation at a different perception, you will find that certain obstacles are actually not that hard to overcome; certain impossibilites might become possible. This fear that I overcame might seem very amusing to you guys, but to me it horrified me deeply. I tried as much a possible not to stare at a flower in case it come and "talk" to me. But in reality, this does not happen at all! Also another lesson to learn: fear is False-Evidence-Appearing-Real indeed. If it were not my Sis who also remind me that God made all the plants, I would have continued to fear them. This is a deception from the evil one definitely, that made me so fearful of God's very own creation. He created everything for a purpose ain't it?

However my mum was surprised why I wasn't afraid handling with the two new toads that we bought two days ago. Probably each has his own fears to overcome.

By the way I found some very interesting things in the market. Look at this fire extinguisher:

Do you get the whole 'joke' now? There is no key to open the emergency box which contains the fire-extinguisher, so if there is a fire how? Call the locksmith to rush down? O.o And this is located very close to those cooking hawkers, which means that the fire-extinguisher is even more important in an event of fire. This is so for some of our lives. We don't panic for the 'fire-extinguisher' until the real need comes, and we find ourselves unprepared for the 'fire', then we think of ways to resolve it. Will it be too late by then?

2009-01-19T16:49:00.017+08:00

Here are my JAE 12 choices:
1. Pharmacy Science(NP)
2. Molecular Biotechnology(NP)
3. Business Studies(NP)
4. Business & Social Entreprise(NP)
5. Pharmaceutical Sciences(NYP)
6. Human Resource Management with PSychology(SP)
7. Biomedical Science(TP)
8. Biotechnology(SP)
9. Molecular Biotechnology(NYP)
10. Business Administration(SP)
11. Chemical & Biomolecular Engineering(NP)
12. International Supply Chain Management(NP)

I won't be typing my 3JPSAE choices here as I feel the probability that I'll be offered a course from there will be EXTREMELY LOW. All the 3courses are from NP. Won't be telling you any further.

I sort of regretted taking 1st and 2nd choice a lot. I'm actually a highly right-brained person(I took tests before) , and how do you expect me to excel in a Science class? And I dislike Life Science to be part of my tertiary education. But if I don't take the first two choices, someone will throw his temper and be extremely upset. Wonder why he keeps using grades as a kind of excuse. My Comb. Humans got C6 and he says that looking from the results, it's not my cup of tea to take Humanities in Polytechnic. My Science wasn't that good after all also what, got 3/4, and he says that I should aim for a Science course. Not that I HATE science, but I don't think it suits me for my future. I don't have the 'Science Calibre', so why do you keep forcing your ideas upon me? I feel so squashed up. I don't even dare submit my form until Thursday night. The first thing I went to my room that night was ask God what is He trying to do to me? Why He gave me an aggregate that can only fit me to a Science courses and not all of the Business courses? I did not want to blame Him, but yet I feel very upset to see myself facing Science for the next 3years. Even now. I feel that I've let myself down by following what that someone has urged me to choosing those Science courses. But I don't blame him. I just don't want to hurt him, or antagonize his hope on me. I respect him a lot, but I wonder if he listens to what I say sometimes. Hopes he doesn't see this(I doubt he will), or he will be so,so,so,so,so,so,so,so,so,so upset.

2009-01-19T16:49:00.016+08:00

Regarding JPSAE: "You have not been selected for any courses for interview".

I have accepted the reality that I do not have any chance of entering into any of the courses. However, I feel quite relieve, in that I don't have to be super disappointed when I get selected for interview and not get into any of the courses. Quite disappointed, but I feel more grateful.

Perhaps God has other plans for me. But what kind? I only hope that up to now He does not leave me alone to face my future. I want to face my future with Him. I feel even lost now; And I feel like a tot that is being released from the spinner. I'm spinning in all directions. But I'll wait; and in quietness and trust.

2009-01-10T21:17:00.008+08:00

Gotten back my 'O' Level results yesterday.

My emotions are in a swirl; To feel thankful to the Lord for giving me an aggregate that is considered good, or to blame Him for giving me such an average aggregate with my friends getting so good aggregates. I don't know how to react when I got my results. To be contended and be happy for working so hard with my 100+%, or to reproach myself for not putting in 200% that is impossible of me. What is God trying to do to me?

I could only try and pray that I'll enter courses with an aggregate +/- 1 from last year's COP that I intend to enter. I feel like a zombie; I could neither be elated nor dissapointed. I just say I've done my best, and I will never regret it.

For those who really don't know my aggregate, here's it:
L1R2B2: 15
L1R5: 21(Not eligible for JC)
Bonus point for CCA: 2
Net aggregate: 13

A good poly course for business is between 10~12 points. I'm 1point off the range. I'll really have to see where God is intending to put me.

2009-01-10T21:17:00.003+08:00

Today is Saturday. Tomorrow is Sunday. The day after tomorrow is Monday. The day. The day that will become one of the milestones of my life.

Let me begin talking about today. I went to Cathay @ Orchard Cineleisure to watch a movie called RED CLIFF (II) with the Primers as our Primers' Outing. And as the show is named, most of the scenes are really red(quite abit like red hill?). Was quite a fiery show('cause alot of fire and explosion). I really admire the Zhu Ge Liang's ability to get 10,000,000arrows within less than 3days! The theme of the movie is "Everyone suffers in war". I would hate to war of course :) I like the show of course.

When I left the cinema, I realised when I was at the ground level that my handphone dropped out of my pocket! So I headed back, with J.D. and Kenny, to the cinema. Retrieved it from the ticket entrance personnel who passed me back my handphone from a drawer. Heaved a great sigh of relieve. And thanks to J.D. and Kenny for accompanying me up and down; it was quite a chore. Thanks for all your time. And Thank God for entrusting my handphone into good hands:)

So I went to visit Ngee Ann Poly; went to Parents' seminar with Dad. My Dad seemed quite convinced with the polytechnic education. So I'll most llikely enter a poly :) Looking at NP's university admission rate(approx. more than 50%), his first signs of acceptance is through his initiating of course brochures that I have at home.

'O' level release date is in less than 48hours; a crucial time for many. I just hope I will survive this critical moment of anxiety(and not pee in my pants).

I would like to wish two people a happy birthday today. First, to Daddy. Next, to Jerald. Happy Birthday. God Bless both of you.

Still have quite abit of anthophobia(which means 'fear towards plants'). I really want to thank Jie Jie for helping me overcome my worst fears(the pitcher plant and venus flytrap). Finally realise it's perception that makes you think of thinks at a different angle. Screamed and teared quite alot after looking at the pictures in the encyclopedia. Maybe could show you some picture:

2009-01-05T10:49:00.006+08:00

Let me be straight to the point... There's a quiz that I have yet to do and I have to do it, NOW:

The person who tagged you is:
Ong Shiang Ning

Your relationship with him/her:
Good friends (And please believe me!)

Your impression on him/her:
Sunny(Not only a sunny character; she also speaks everything under the Sun) , Sensitive, Systematic, Straight-forward, Seductive(XD jkjk nia), and Steady(pom pi pi!)

The most memorable thing he/she said to you:
I love you! DiDi! (See? I told you we are only siblings!:)

If he/she become your lover, you will...
I will make sure I let her smell my breathe first. My breath super stink! XD

Things she/he has to improve on:
To be more tolerant towards the people she doesn't like and be more implicit in order not to cause permanent hurt/humiliation to the other party. Be more conservative in attire :X

If he/she become your enemy, you will:
She already treats me as her enemy somehow, so I don't need to elaborate further...

If he/she dies you will?
Go into moaning for a while then be back to normal. After all death is unpredictable after all. Just be prepared for it.

What is it you want to tell he/she now?:
It is not coincidence that our birthday falls on the same date. That is so that we'll be able to celebrate our birthday together every year (as friends)! Thank you for being by my side for the past 4years. I think you are officially the first girl that I've ever truly befriended(as I've been studying in all boys school during Pri Sch). Hope you will grow in your walk with God. All the best for your relationship with Him. You've got alot to understand about Him:) There's really alot about Him. Slowly explore:) Just ask of Him to show you who He is; He will answer you in many different ways :)

Pass this quiz to 10 people if you want to know how they feel about you:

1.Ong Shiang Ning(Re-tag!)

2.Theh Soon Lee(If you happen to see this, better do this quiz kay! Don't keep play DOTA; I DOT you then you know)

3.Jerald Tay(I know you got homework; so not gonna pressurise you to do)

4.Tham Cheong How(When you do this quiz, can link me? Sec5 very stress I know. So take your time)

5.Rebecca Teng(How many times must I ask you to update your bloggy!?O.o)

6.Sandra Tan Xin Na(Yes, JieJie. Do it)

7.Jacky Ong Jie Jun

8.Lee Xu Xunn

9.Chua Yanda

10.Liping

Who is no.6 having relationship with?
Ans:WenShen Kor Kor... Lawl

No.9 a male or a female?
Ans: A hermaphrodite perhaps, but more of a boy=X

If no.7 and no.10 be together, will it be a good thing?
Ans: Perhaps. Liping is younger than Jacky. And they are of age difference of 1year, so no generation gap :)

What is no.2 studying all about?
Ans: About Science duh....

When is the last time you chat with no.3?
Ans:Since the last time he visited my blog; approximately 2weeks

What kind of music band do no. 8 like?
Ans: Go 4A class blog and click on the link 'XuXunn' and you will know what kind he likes.

Do no.1 have any sibilings?
Ans: Yes. Two younger ones. I would count it three with her parrot(or is her parrot her bf?O.o)

Will you woo no.3?
Ans: Over my dead body. He already has a lot of people wooing him. If I woo him I'll be another love rival. =X

What about no.7?
Ans: He has alot of people wooing him too =X

Is no.4 single?
Ans: A benefit of a doubt. Perhaps he's having one in confidence.

What is the surname of no.5?
Ans: Scroll up to the ten names above and you will see it.

What is the hobby of no.10?
Ans: Don't have to rack brains; To love God.

Is no.5 and no.9 get along?
Ans: They've never heard of each other before. Fullstop :)

Where is no2 studying at?
Ans: Currently in JVS

Talk about something about no.1
Ans: She is beautiful without her make up. She looks quite 'geysha' when she puts it on.

Have you tried developing feeling with no.8?
Ans: I know he very 'shuai'(fourth pinyin), but I'm more jealous rather than admire him:)

Where does no.9 lived in?
Ans: Singapore @ Jurong. You don't expect me to type the whole address here, do you?

What color does no.4 likes?
I got this feeling it's green. That's why he entered Jurongville Sec.

2009-01-01T22:29:00.009+08:00

Here's my new hairstyle :)

The day I went to cut...

Now(3rd Dec)...

.........................................................................................................................................................................
I just got home from Malaysia. Bought quite a lot of valuable stuffs from Kuala Lumpur. Guess what I've bought? Here are the list of items:
(a) A robot
(b) A helicopter
(c) 2 collar-shirts
(d) A pair of cargo pants
(e) A pair of shorts
(f) 5 metal puzzles
(g) A new haircut :)
(h) 2 pairs of shoes
(i) A pair of slippers
(j) USB port cable to connect handphone to computer
(k) Souvenirs (for my friends ^^)

Yesterday, I celebrated New Year with my family in Blue Chip Lounge of Swiss Garden hotel. They hired some singers there to make some noise. Was quite a different way of celebrating New Year from the past years. A bit simple though.

Anyway, I have a couple of resolutions for New Year this year:
(a) To learn to love God more
(b) To have faith in Him more
(c) To love and be sensitive to others more
(d) To learn oil painting :)
(e) To look more confident in terms of appearance :)
(f) To be less childish XD

That's all you know! No more! And as OSN has typed in her blog, you will be surprised if I get myself a girl! Perhaps one more resolution:
(g) I will have no BGR this year
Happy? Quite easy to fufill :)

2008-12-29T13:55:00.002+08:00

Today will most likely be the last day that I'll blog for this year 2008 as I will be heading to KL tomorrow afternoon till New Year's Day and there might not be any LAN shop there.

So for the last post for this year, I would like to thank God of what he has done for me in my life. Being the Year of Sabbath for this year, I would dare say it was the opposite of what I have expected of the year of Sabbath. The Sabbath is meant for resting, yet so many unsmooth things happened in my life; from failing badly to losing my punch card, but God is faithful to those who hang on to Him, and I'm proud to proclaim His name to be one that is faithful and just. When I look back, I realise that God actually uses the obstacles and tribulations imposed upon us by the evil one and turn it around so that we may be able to rest and be at peace in Him. I really learn the grace of God this year, and His faithfulness to me. And I really give thanks for this year, 'cos it opened my eyes to see that almost nothing is impossible in Him, as long as you put your little mustard seed faith in the Lord.

I just hope that God will continue to guide me in His teachings, so that every year I may learn different things, and become a strong warrior in life, just as my name was supposed to be. I believe that God will mould me more each day, and for the new year He will guide me. And to all others I wish all of you a blessed New Year. Believe in Him that He is real; He will NEVER dissappoint you.

2008-12-29T01:31:00.004+08:00

Hi all. I'm now in Malaysia Genting. Quite boring today 'cos got not much thing to do here other than shop, eat, sleep. And now I'm at the LAN shop! Anyway, I will remember to buy souvenirs for those who ask of me :)

Have to go now. Will post more tomorrow.

2008-12-27T23:00:00.004+08:00

I went to BBSGB today at BBHQ located at Ganges Rd(confused?). Kelvin Lynn :) want me to join the FAAs. So dots. So i became my team's I/C. No more sending out to stations, so it was really quite disappointing that we have to spend the whole day in the HQ's warehouse.

However it was quite exciting 'cos we meet people from Raffle Institute and some from dunno what school(Ying Li sec?), however the people are all interesting. Then there's one boy who became our favourite topic; we named him "silver". You know Christmas just ended? No more 'Silver bells, silver bells' (...It's Christmas time in the city). So hope he like visiting my blog, and if you see this post on your screen, please tag me horh(in CBox)!

Then talking about warehouse; It was seriously quite "hiong" in the late morning to mid afternoon. The cartons of condense milk was so heavy to kill cow. That was for beverages. As for the cereals, it was so simple, and kaya on the platform of course O.o. Overall, it was a fine job. Most people are very co-operative and did the job well. So good job to all team 1 people. :)

Will be going to Malaysia tomorrow till New Year's Day. So sad this year I wouldn't be able to celebrate New Year with my spiritual family :( but i get to celebrate it with my biological family :) I actually want to go for this year's countdown party in church 'cos the dress code is actually on occupation. Had wanted to wear something like a doctor suit or something professional :( I just want to commit my year '09 to the Lord, 'cos many things will be coming my way; from getting my results to choosing my tertiary education to unexpected surprises. He who beholds me has never let me down this coming year despite the obstacles I face, so He will never also for next year, till as long as it could be...

2008-12-26T17:02:00.005+08:00

Just quitted my previous job and I'm into another job again! And the job is to be my mother's assistant helper; an assistant florist(I know it sounds like a feminine job, kay?)

Today is officially my first day. No job pay however:( It's alright, at least I can take more off- days than usual jobs :) Working to Chinese New Year however. Want to do some advertisement for my mum now(hehe); her market is at the following address:

21Florist
Blk 112
Jln Bukit Merah
#01-1652s
(Or you may call me at 91501652 for further queries.)

Let me begin my description of my first day at work.

The current working condition is totally contradicting to my previous working condition.

Current vs Previous

Hot, stuffy, oily(near the food hawkers) vs Air-conditioned, comfortable, clean air
Senior customers vs Adult-children customers
Can sit vs Must stand
Straightfoward vs Implicit
Sure-to-buy vs See-see-look-look

First day was easy, however I've got more to learn :( My mum is only GRADUALLY entrusting me with little responsibilities, and that is quite restricting:( Hope she will put more faith in me, 'cos I have her capabilties too:)

Anyway, it is not effiminate to be an assistant florist. I find that this is a way to thank mum for her years of bringing me up to this age, and I believe it's time to repay her. Mum, thanks for being my support all these years :) I shall support you in your career, despite the unpleasant circumstances(inconducive environment).

2008-12-25T18:43:00.004+08:00

Merry Christmas!!!

I've officially ended my work as a part-time Toy promoter! Actually I sort of missed my work. I loved my work, despite the odds; the demands of customers and staffs. It was meaningful despite some boring moments. I'm getting to understand that most people are good when you finally understand them.

A special thanks to J.D. if he happens to visit my blog. During the Primers' Overseas Trip, he taught me quite a lot more of promoting skills, which really boost the weekday sales and even more for weekend sales, although it was only 5 more days when I returned from the trip.

I would also like to thank a group of friends that kept visiting me(yeah! :D ) during my work; Shiang Ning, YiYi, Theh Soon Lee(u noe y i typed ur full name, u butt-kicker!), Cheong How, and ALL others that happened to pop-by my workplace inadvertently.

P.S. To OSN> I have yet to put your chewing gum to disposal. Kindly make your collection during the release of the 'O' levels results. And to all a Happy New Year!!!

2008-12-21T23:04:00.000+08:00

Hi! Have not been updating my blog frequently. But I really want to thank God for something.

As you all know I've been away to Malaysia right? So for that 5days being away from work, I actually left a cardboard box(which contains my punch card) at the back of the toy counters. So yesterday when I finally returned to the counters, the new stocks that moved in on Tuesday made it such a completely unfamiliar environment! So how about the box? It went missing! I searched so frantically that I couldn't even concentrate on my customers. I went to search for my colleagues around that area, and one after another with the reply "I don't know". My heart sank real low. No punch card, no pay!

So I continued to ask colleagues around the toys area. Then a lady told me to go up the store to find for the box, as most staff will usually treat cardboard boxes as return stocks. I hurried to the store finding for up to two hours flat, but to no avail. My heart sank further. In my heart, I thought "Oh God, are you trying to play me out, again?" I admit I did blamed Him a little. But I was totally frustrated. I went home unable to sleep, still thinking why is God trying to shut His ears at me, not helping me at all. I was so angry I almost wanted to rebel and not listen to Him anymore. However, I remembered His word from the Bible "...In your anger, do not sin...". So I decided to continue to believe in Him that He'll deliver me; to return me that box that contain my punch card. I decided to put that simple child-like faith in Him.

I was in a spot; I couldn't tell anyone my problem. If I tell my family, they will sure make a big catastrophe of it. I tell my supervisor; She will give me good time lecture. Tell friends; only make joke and treat it as it. And I only work till Christmas eve, that is only four more days away. Time is running out.

After Christmas service today, I went back to work. In my heart, I told God "Lord, if I can't get my pay, you shall pay me then!" I think that was the worst feeling I got throughout the whole working experience; To work for pay, but at last not get paid for work. I even hear this voice that told me "Why work so hard? You will not get your pay anyway" But another voice came in and intervened "God is your boss, isn't it?" At this I really woke up. I carried out my usual duties, despite knowing I might not get paid. So the sales really was the best of the any other days that I've been working. However, I still feel the disappointment, and self-reproach for my own folly of not keeping the box in the right place before leaving. Until I shifted two boxes towards the inwards of the counter. The cardboard box appeared before my very eyes! I really don't know of anyway to thank the Lord, but to type down His goodness here.

Perhaps, there is a "punch card" in your life. Ask God to help you in whatever situation you are in, and He WILL help you.

2008-12-17T18:15:00.001+08:00

3D2N Primers' Overseas Trip; Let me begin this entry with a more specific description of the place we went.

The destination was Tanjung Sutera in Kota Tinggi in Malaysia. Upon reaching there, we had our first lunch there. The food there was very delicious I would say; there was no leftovers after each meals. There was a variety of food being served; from Nasi Lemak to Mee Soto, from Kang Kong to chicken wings.

So the first day went like this: We had lunch. After lunch, had some swimming there. The swimming pool was salty, and immediately you know where it came from; the seawater which was located not far from the resort. But I believe that chlorine has been added to purify it.

The first day was more OTOT. Then comes the second day. We went for the dinosaur trail, which was named after the "fossils" left behind on the coast. There were tonnes of rocks which can cause serious injury if you fall by accident, so I would say it was some sort of adventure. Then we ascended some sort of mountain, where the apex was our destination. The up part was easy :), but the down part you shall know. The soil was loose, so it was easy to get your footing right and still slide down the hill. So you have to cling right tight to the branches close to you to prevent serious falling. Thank God we all made it. It was really adventurous, and I like it:).

In the forested hill was full of obstacles. The tree branches that stood out; you have to avoid it. Next, the thorns that grew on certain species of trees. I got cut by it! Life's the same. You have to go through some pain, some obstacles, some adversities in order to get to your destination. So you must never give up.

After the Dinosaur Trail was a trip to Kota Tinggi's town centre. As we walked through the kampong houses, we could see some children waving to us, some children riding motorbike (within their own vicinity of course), some just strolling along the road. Life was simple and happy. It was far from the bustling streets of Singapore, free from air polution(lesser vehicles travelling pass perhaps). so J.D brought us to a coffeeshop, which was small and have no people. The auntie was a Hainanese, and Wenliang & J.D were heart-knitted to her as they too were from the same dialect group. She is around her mid-60s from her look, and she is really a good host to us by pouring out her heart to us; having 11 children, each leaving in different parts of Malaysia and 2 of them in Singapore.

According to the auntie, the town centre used to be a bustling place too in the past, but after the increase in ways for immigration, people gradually move out, with more shops closing down, and the place becomes less lively than the past.

On the third day we checked out from the resort. Two vans sent us to Johor Bahru's City Square mall and we went there shopping, and I realised that I was the only one who bought something back as souvenir -.-". We went for a 2hour movie, known as "The Day the Earth Stood Still". I wouldn't want to comment about this movie(or else Spoil Spot), but I would say it is seemingly very science-fictional. No moral of the story though... But I think it is trying to potray humanity and love.

So we acually ended the trip officially in the afternoon at around 4pm. The trip was relaxing and I suddenly realise there's actually a diference in the two environments when I finally reached Jurong East interchange...

2008-12-09T23:48:00.000+08:00

Top 5 signs of customers wanting to buy:
1) Asking lots of questions
2) Touching the product+Looking
3) Looking intently at the product
4) Asking for demo
5) Asking for features of the product

Top 5 signs of customers not wanting to buy:
1) Glancing(0.001secs to 10secs) at the product as they walk past
2) Nodding excessively as they listen to you promote
3) Folding their arms and begin to walk away from you even with their heads facing you
4) Touching of the face, esp. the side burn
5) A hint of sudden change in their facial expression

Interesting right? Do take note of these things before you become a promoter :)

2008-12-03T08:16:00.000+08:00

I would dare say that yesterday was the MOST TIRING day of all the days that I've been working so far.

It is Tuesday, with the least people coming to visit the toys department.

I'd rather be occupied; with many customers. However, I only saw a fly accompany me during my work hours, and I'm serious. ('Pai cang ying', which means hit-the-fly in Chinese, synonym to no sales). I finally understand how that Chinese expression came about. =D

Many will think doing little or nothing for a work must be relaxing and less stressful. It's a myth. It's not true! I feel drowsy in fact; feel even more tired. Do you know the worth of your pay to you is determined by the amount of hard work you put in? If you put in anything less than your best effort during work, when the pay comes, you get the guilty feeling of not deserving the pay deep inside. So I would rather be a cow at work than to be a stone!

2008-11-29T23:05:00.000+08:00

I'm going to be very truthful about this, and these are the feedbacks from my customers; am not trying to show any kind of prejudice or discrimination.

The Top5 reasons why customers do not buy a certain product:
1) "Why this material so cheap?!"
2) "Why this one so expensive?"
3) "Made in [Ch!n@]?! Two times buy two times explode when I fly the helicopter!"
4) "See see look look only..."
5) "Parents not here how to buy!!!!!!!!!!!!"

The Top5 reasons why customers buy:
1) "Boy, you want this toy anot?"
2) "Can test this toy anot?"
3) An action: The child refuse to let go of the toy... (I love this!^^)
4) "So special ah this one?"
5) "Got many people buy?"

So if you want to become a toys promoter next time, think of these factors again. =)

2008-11-26T09:53:00.000+08:00

Hello. Have a nice time chatting in my blog!!!! Have fun!!!!

Work was easy. Many Banglahs and Singaporeans bought the toys home. Though it was tiring, I would rather it be wearisome; to help the customers, rather than standing and doing nothing, which is super tiring.

My China colleagues are doing morning shift this week, so I have to eat alone :( So many staffs in Giant all like 'chiak jua'(synonym for doing nothing in Hokkien).... Seem to take leave everyday. Then I have to clear their sh*t for them. All the customers keep asking me where are the other staffs for the other departments. Even some of the price tags for some items are not put up and I'll have to lead them to the barcode scanner. Totally dubious.

Bye!

2008-11-25T09:56:00.000+08:00

It was work again yesterday.

Despite the weight of my body, I managed to get up on time. I find the job becoming increasingly meaningful; I got to understand different kinds of people. For example, the China immigrants that came to Singapore to work. They are my colleagues. Next, from Bangladesh. They are my customers. The adults; my target of convince. The children; my assistant promoters.

There were very few workers that came from other department, and there is only me and the other China colleague, so it was hard to really build rapport with people from other departments. Through borrowing of items such as screwdrivers and batteries from the furniture and electronic departments respectively, I build another few rapport with these people.

I was glad there weren't any backstabbing or politics in this workplace. Perhaps there were not enough promoters to play me out.

The China colleagues there are very self-disciplined; they do not go about chit-chatting during work-time despite coming from the same country. The first few days of my work was terrifying as I thought to myself: I have to speak, talk, and force myself to think in Chinese for the next 1month of work. However, I was grateful that Singapore's education enabled me to be to a certain extent, bilingual. I became the translator on behalf of my China colleagues. At least I understood mandrin. I am not a mandrin-dummy. =)

After going to dinner with my China colleagues, I gradually understood their motive of coming to Singapore, that is, to be the sole breadwinner of their homes. I really respect their nobility, and also their dignity of working the hard way rather than illegal operations that is of higher pay.

Life has many paths. Which way do you choose? The easy-way-out? Nome. The most secure and down-to-earth path is through hard work. If you have worked hard in the earlier years of your life by studying hard, you can get a higher pay in your job's salary with the pay-off of your hard work. Even if you have made the wrong decisions, start working on foundations, not on the clouds. Hard work is life's best option to success, to living.

2008-11-23T15:37:00.000+08:00

Hello all! I've just returned from BB LDC1 camp; to be a helper, not a camper! Took 3-days leave from work(I'm not trying to skive, OK?!)

In overview, I would confess that the camp was very exhausting. The Standard Obstacle Course over the Mr Wall (The only single wall in the field of the school) and 5Bx exercise that knocked everyone out caused almost my life. I love the aches that I now have; unable to bend my elbow towards my back to scratch my itch of less than 45degrees. Can you imagine I will be walking like a robot for the next few days? The rugby game was a factor that contributed to the level of strain. The Primers' team were at 'unfair disadvantage', as there were many 'traitors' that joined the Boys' team. I was glad Boys' and Primers' team drawed with a score of 4 all :). The game was supposedly not for us, so the score is not really important, however I enjoyed the kind of spirit that was exhibited during the game: the 'never-say-die' and 'participate 100%' spirit, which was truely commendable.

As told by the camp committee, the net distance from the start to end point was 8klik(kilometres), but it seemed as if it was worser than AQ; feel right disgraceful of feeling K.O. after a short walk. Perhaps I had not been faithful in exercising everyday, so my body could not take such a sudden impact of strenuous exercise.

I also see boys that are extremely shy and quiet begin to speak out and lead the team, and I'm real proud about their efforts to be a leader. Some are simply born leaders, whereas others need more time to adapt to become a leader. Not viewing individual calibre , a humble heart is still of utmost importance which will win the respect and hearts of their members.

2008-11-19T21:31:00.000+08:00

I've just discovered a very interesting Japanese IQ test!!! You might want to try it at the following URL link!

http://www.robmathiowetz.com/

Have Fun!!!

2008-11-16T18:32:00.000+08:00

It is great joy to be able to make my blog 'alive' again.

'O' level exams has finally come to an end. Good time to enjoy! I will be working for a company; to promote the company's toys in IMM Giant. After all, I just want the working experience, as if the amount of salary is the only motivating factor for you to go to work, won't that be quite unnatural, forcing yourself to work for the money?

This is so for our lives. You only have one question in mind. Why do I live? Is it to be rich? Is it the career? To build relations? Or is it for the fame? In all, the most pragmatic and meaningful of all the reasons will still be to build relations. Above building relations, loving others is the ultimate goal of life.

You will never really understand how to live life unless you begin to step into the shoes of others. It is really a 'cool' thing to empathise with others(the word 'cool' is out of my own opinion). Once you begin to empathise you begin to self-reflect also, and when you do so you begin to really understand yourself. You might also begin to realise how fortunate you are, and from there begin to give thanks for all you have.

One example would be Nick Vujicic. By looking at the following video, you may then understand what I'm actually writing.

I'm now in LAN shop!

2008-06-15T19:26:00.000+08:00

Hello all, this is Mark in a LAN gaming shop.

I'm not here to play! I'm here to accompany my sister and her boyfriend to their workplace. They've been working in the LAN shop, 2nd level of West Coast Shopping Centre(It's not a shopping centre, though) for quite long already, and it's my first time I came here. The whole place is lighted blue and there are quite a number of teens here. However, I will still stay faithful to my promise to the Lord; that I will not touch computer games and be sucked into it's allure, at least till the end of 'O' levels, that's why I'm blogging! I can sacrifice anything for Him; my leisure, my desires, even my ambition. I feel that I grew up quite alot in these holidays. I grew not only physically, by gaining 5kg up to date(puberty not yet ended?), but I also grew to be mature.

I've failed 7 subjects with 4 F9, 3 D7 and 1 C5. I've been stucked in grief and depression for many weeks, and to be very honest, I sobbed myself asleep every single night. Yet nobody noticed the agony, and the darkest nights that I went through. However, I know that the Lord is by my side. He was beside me to cry with me, to console me, to assure me. I love His warm arms that embrace me. A very faithful and understanding God indeed. That's why I didn't commit anything foolish, for I know that it would hurt Him terribly if I were to mutilate myself or attempt suicide, which I confess I did have these whispers inside of me. I didn't even expect myself to recover, but somehow a miracle happened that I believe will change my life forever.

Until the last week or so, I was sitting in the front seat of my mother's van going home after lunch. We were driving on the expressway, and something caught my eyes. A car appeared before my mother's van. A car sticker sticked to the back of the car caught my eyes. It states "Fear Not". Then I cannot see the last line of words because they are too small and the vehicle is a bit distant. However the vehicle refused to barge!!! It continued to travel in front of my mother's car continuosly, until it reached Toh Guan(for 30 minutes long!!!) !!! Then the car stopped in front of us because it's preparing to U-turn. I looked closely at the sticker again and the last sentence is "Isaiah 41:10".

I went home and cried out again to the Lord. Then I remembered the verse. As I flipped open the Bible, I was so touched. All my worries, my devastation, my agony, all ceased that very moment. That was the word that I needed!

I wouldn't want to type the verse here because I do not have its reference now. But that very one verse itself, is far better than any counselling, any therapy, which I also confess of seeking help from. And from that moment on, I am free from all the emotional sores that were feeding on my soul.

Therefore, I believe that was a divine intervention from God himself. The vehicle did not barge, no joking. It continued travelling to my home area! Any other ordinary vehicle I wouldn't even give a glance, but this very special vehicle really is from the Lord. It continued travelling with us so that I will take careful notice of the sticker, and it stopped so I can see the exact verse, that is my remedy from tribulation!

I realised the most important lesson that I learnt from this fall is to first, tell the Lord everything in your heart; all your feelings and thoughts, and be as truthful as possible. Display your emotions before Him (not in front of others of course!), for He knows all our thoughts and emotions, so there's no point keeping it from Him. Next, wait for Him. He will sure enable you to overcome your circumstance of emotional agony. Finally, pray that the evil one will not deceive you futher till the extent of making you lose your trust in the Lord, that is the most common, and the most destructing deception the evil one will ever say to you.

Don't ever be deceived that when you feel that the Lord is not by your side means that He don't care about you, or He abondoned you. The Lord has always been by your side! And He will always be. For I went through this testing of the faith, that is neither too long nor too short a time, yet I overcame it. Those that are in my situation, stay strong. He is sure to redeem you.

Heavy downpour

2008-06-11T14:16:00.000+08:00

It poured since yesterday evening.

Initially I was doing my Bio TYS when it started pouring. I intended to burn midnight oil till 6am in the morning, however, the feel of zephyr(haha is this copyright?) and the sounds of raindrops hypnotised me. My eyelids drooped, then I thought I sleptwalk to the switch of the ceiling light and to my ever-embracing bed, and I crouched there till 0800!!! I think I'll have to work more with my willpower in order to overcome my comprimise towards lethargy.

That was bad enough! I had to force myself out of bed and get things done. I'm quite(that is, very!) far behind from the schedule I have set for myself for the holiday. It seems the most I can complete for my TYS is the whole book of Bio TYS and half of Chemistry TYS. Unless I burn midnight oil again till the next morning!

I feel getting lazier. Maybe I should not recover from my devastation. I should be depressed all the way to 'O' levels. In this way I cannot smile, play-a-fool, slack, but just study and study till I get all distinctions. I seem to be losing some kind of "motivation"(negative?) from my results. I hope I can find some other ways to motivate myself to study. Perhaps this is a sign of being burnt out. I don't feel like studying!!!! I've not enjoyed my holiday since after Chinese 'O'level!

I visited Youtube just now and keyed in "Jurongville Sec". I saw XuXun blowing the flute. So pro...

Bye.

Third week Second day of holiday

2008-06-10T17:31:00.000+08:00

We met together at Jurong Point this afternoon.

Jie Kang, Esther, Yu Lei, and me; we did Physics project together. The project took us 2hours approx to complete.

In fact, we talked more than we did work. Everything has been planned out for us in the textbook. And all the work for planning is creditted to Jie Kang alone. He did the draft and we re-copy all his work in another piece of paper.

In the duration of our project work at the McDonald's table, a group of "Ang Mohs" appeared at a table just next to us. They sound very musical; they sound like doh to Doh to doh to Doh ("Doh" means one octave higher). They should live a little while longer in Singapore and they will sound like pistols. The whole time we were doing our work, they sounded like Jukebox. Free music :)

It seems like years to complete the whole Bio TYS. Still working on it however.

Bye.

2008-06-07T14:19:00.000+08:00

I've just had lunch with my cell leader.

Chinny was there too. We sat down to eat our lunch. I smsed him last night telling him my results there were all pain and crap. I do feel a bit better after his counselling and encouragement, however I still feel the trauma present in my heart. The moment I saw my results were the most traumatic few seconds. It has finally barged a little. Maybe small steps is what it takes for me to recover.

I know that time heals wounds if I had taken good care of it in the right way. Moreover, I don't feel that much pressure compared to yesterday; the pressure that almost suffocated me. I feel quite serene when I woke up this morning.

Off to study now. Bye.

Have I woken?

2008-06-05T21:05:00.000+08:00

There'll be no school tomorrow onwards till 16June. I wonder if there's any other way I can see miracles in my results other than study hard?

I really feel like in a maze; a maze of endless dead ends. I wonder how long I'll have to wander and find the right road to the end point. I don't want to continue sighing day after day. I feel that I am studying, studying for something that would prove itself to me that I am studying for it in vain. I wonder why I feel worser and worser.

They say that the Mid-year paper was set to intimidate the students of complacency and push the students the extra mile to studying harder. However, I feel it's all fake. I went to look at the Bio TYS and the MYE that Ms Ooi had set. It's almost exactly the same standard. I find myself really an idiot to believe that MYE is many times far easier than 'O' levels.

However, I found myself gaining lots of wait since after my results came out. I gained 4kg since a week ago. Is it a good sign that I'm growing up?

I feel seriously confused. I am eager to study hard, but another part of me tells me "you are hopeless in studying and why not enter ITE as an alternative path"? Mark you better wake up before it's too late.

I am like a withered leaf

2008-06-03T23:33:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since I've last updated my blog.

I don't feel like updating my blog even; I even feel awkward typing these. I really feel like a complete failure and I really don't know how to face anybody now.

I got back my mid-year exam results two weeks before. I wouldn't conceal anymore of my results; I've got 7failures and 1 subject (that is E-maths, the easiest subject of all) with C5. I was asking myself what's happening also. I couldn't express the bitterness and anger within me. All I could do is to pretend like a clown in front of my friends. No wonder they say being a clown is the most saddening occupation ever in the world.

The Sichuan Earthquake and the Myannmar Cyclone; tragedy after tragedy. That's how I felt when I got back my results. I wonder how I've offended my subjects; I studied hard, burnt midnight oil for many nights just to study. Why is everything crashing on me? My results came to me in sweeps of disaster, like pillars collapsing after pillars upon me. Now I really understood the feelings of these people in these disasters; the helplessness, the desperation, the mourning. How long more can I hang in there?

Dad is hanging on the balance of getting his rest from work real soon; I really feel desperate for him also. These few days he prefers to be let alone in one corner while me and my mum goes shopping. When I revealed the burdening secrets of my results last Thursday night, he neither tarred and feathered me, nor gave me the third degree(I've long awaited for my doom). His reaction disappointed me somehow. He was silent. He must have been filled with utter disappointment and hopelessness in me. I feel twice the disappointment and thrice the guilt I got upon receiving my report book. I realised from his weary eyes that he's already 50. If Mark fails to enter a good institution or course, and think that his parents can survive and live comfortably for the next 30 to 40 years on his income, he must be really an unfilial and undutiful son. Do I still have hope in my future?

These days are probably the worst days of my life up to date. I can only pray to God that he will help to sustain my father's job for at least till I finish my studies. Hopefully I can attain a good qualification. Can God really answer prayers? I ask myself this question.

And the answer is YES. It's either a yes or a no, and I choose to believe. He will not always answer our prayer because he has a perfect will for us. He has divine timing for his will to be done. However, we are always impatient that we think he did not come to our aid. If we choose to believe that he has good behind every storms in our lives and continue to be faithful to him, then your relation with him will only become stronger.

I know that no matter how devastated or downcast I am, I have to stand up quickly and conquer and battle for what first belonged to me and God. Mark, you must be strong, for that's why your name is given to you. Mark is a mighty warrior.

Mundane Monday

2008-03-17T23:27:00.000+08:00

Ever felt depressed on a Monday morning? It's such a typical remark. Monday blues, monday blues. It some kind of influenced me in believing the statement this morning when I got off from bed.

Although I did not have a complete week of holiday, but it was as if the three days, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, has been a long holiday. I really was reluctant to come to school today.

After all, I don't think I hate Chemistry. I'm beginning to embrace it ^^. I wouldn't say I would get flying colours for my results at this instance, but I could feel the ease of studying Chemistry now. Just hope that my likings for Chemistry is not an illusion or a compulsive comment.

Differentiation wasn't that hard after all; I completed all the sums on the new worksheet in the nick of time before recess. Maybe my recovery from the knockout had made me mentally stronger for such warfare.

The Social Studies lesson was fruitful for me; It seemed like it was only today that I could understand what Mdm Tan has been all along blabbering and enforcing into us the highest level skill for source-based question.

There was no English supplementary today. I'm pretty concerned about my English; I'm beginning to mix English with Mandrin already! Dao Jian has succeeded in his psycho-ing by speaking a mouthful of chinese every time he meets me. Now I'm in hot soup because I couldn't differentiate(though used in Amaths) chinese and english! Have to read more books to balance the scale.

There was AQ training for me at 3.30pm. I fell into a trance; the exercises were far beyond my limits, and I have to walk with my shivering knees, my mind was blank completely, and I couldn't speak too much. It's like iron-man training, and I felt like collapsing any minute!

Yet I'm still not in bed at this hour without my afternoon nap? Good night and sweet dreams, to myself. After all, Monday isn't really blue.

Saturday BB Parade

2008-03-15T14:54:00.001+08:00

I'm just back from BB parade! Lots of March holiday's homework to clear. So stress! I know and belief I can fninsh at least half of them today. Goodbye, I'm off to homework!

The only March Holiday today!

2008-03-14T11:42:00.000+08:00

Finally, the only holiday of my one week March holidays!

I have not be enjoying the holiday as there were so many supplementaries and lessons for the past few days from Monday to Thursday. Friday is the time to let loose!

Bio's topic was full of facts but interesting O.o! ; reproduction in Humans. I could understand Ms O.o!'s lecture, perhaps there's the air-con that kept me awake!(Yeah, MAYBE.)

Bio was far more easy than the differentiation. Differentiation made me K.O. yesterday. I lay on the bed for 5hrs flat since the time I reached home. No more energy for furthur concentration.I'd hope to love you too, differentiation, but I am trying (T.T).

Chemistry's topic was on Ammonia.(What a topic to embrace!!!!) However, I loved the topic because it is a short one.(even though it stinks! XD)

I hate to stay at home; i can't play computer games(got banned), parents working in the morning, and I got banned from going out by myself! Above all these, there's a huge pile of homework for me to "persecute"! Homework is so much like slaying an enemy; the pen is the sword. So let's get them out of our face before school re-opens!

Boy's Brigade Sharity Gift Box 2007

2007-12-08T22:31:00.000+08:00

I'm gonna spam my blog with this one-shot reflection for this 5-day's BBSGB...

Starting with the first day... Initially thought of joining as it was a requirement for Founder's Award Applicant(FAA), so Cheong How, Soon Lee, and me were there. We were in-charged of warehouse. Let me "compliment"(where compliment also means the opposite) the food provided for us at the HQ... It was terrible; perhaps the worse meal I've ever eaten! The food was dry, where also no drinks were provided! There's a vending machine at the canteen, however guess what? It states 'sold out'! Thank goodness I hadn't got a heat stroke. So all of us, the Year Threes, learnt an important lesson and brought a 1.5L water bottle the next day. The handover of the RSM role was quick, at about 7pm, and Sean from other company became our RSM. The day was quick. The sun set and it was 8.30pm, which was time for debrief for boys. The boys left after the debrief and it was time for debrief for the FAA. We hadn't yet predicted our doom for the night.
We were being lectured by the Primers that night for not being efficient in the task we were given, so we got tekan-ed at the basketball court.

The second day was quite easy for us to handle. In the whole ABERDEEN room full of chairs, only about a quarter was filled. This day was the SLACKEST of all the other 5days at the HQ. There was a crisis period in between, surprisingly despite the lack of manpower, the task carried out was even more efficient than the other days. More people doesn't always mean more work done. It's how the task is being dedicated to everyone that matters. So at 6pm this time, the next RSM was being chosen. Guess who? It was Soon Lee!(All of us, including the FAAs in other companies, pre-voted him as RSM) This is not shirking responsibility. This is respecting someone that we believe can help us do a better job. =)

And Soon Lee got a nickname:SKK. Supposed to be SGK. No, should be SGG. You could never understand what the short form means unless I tell you. As we revealed to him that he would be the next chosen RSM, he became utterly stressed that he acted abit weird. So we called him SKK, which means "Sua Gu Kia" and also "Si Gong Kia"(Stupid kid). So throughout the next remaining day as an FAA, we refered to him as SKK. The debrief on the second day was more of praise, which was unexpectable to us.

The third day, also the last day attending BBSGB as an FAA. SKK wasn't so stress by then. I really admired how he was able to conduct the debrief session on the second and third day. The 4th shift FAAs took over and Soon Lee was deloaded of his RSM role. Finally could see a smile from him. Seriously being the RSM is the most stress job an FAA can ever take up. Recommended only for those who like to work less but dedicate jobs well: Take up the RSM role. Many decisions must be made, if wrong decisions are made, the people will suffer the most. Now I will relate to what I mean to what had happened.

On the fourth day, everyone of the Year 3s became boys again!(hooray!=_=") As the platform station was in a huge mess, we had to clear the area. We got into a situation where we don't know how to deal with the boxes of condemned can foods. Therefore we went to consult the RSM of what we should do with these ants-filled, wet, and torn boxes. He said dump it outside at the rubbish collection area near to the car porch. After dumping more than 3/4 of the boxes, one of the Primers, or perhaps the log people, demanded(maybe it sounded stronger than it should) that we carry the boxes back to the warehouse. I can see Soon Lee very fed up to the teeth. I felt fed up to the spine! The boxes was so d@mn heavy that we needed 2 people to transport each box, and we'll have to transport the boxes back again to the warehouse! Morever it was raining, and the roof was so one kind, it made my shirt damp!

I knew how the RSM felt, he was stressed to the core. There were so many boys, about twice to thrice the strength we had when we were FAAs. The boys filled the whole ABERDEEN room, with so many Primers and Officers present. As the strength was too big, a formal fall-in was required for every single gathering.

Soon Lee is going to TV station on Wednesday Morning, attending a LIVE interview of <> representing BBSGB. Looking forward to wednesday morning!!!

Today's the last day, and that's really finally. In the bus Cheong How and Chin Hiang, both of them really have the comedian DNA in them. They said they wanted to settle scores between themselves, so they fought based on Maplestory theme. All the skills came out, and they also crapped saying that they can wear armour and scroll equips and buy Weapon Attack underwears!!!(F5) Still use skill doom on one another, so they keep turning each other into snail!

Wonder why whenever I close my eyes to sleep, I still have the image of people carrying stocks into the warehouse. Got overly wearied, perhaps. Got serious muscular failure after the hours of "workouts" at the warehouse. The five days doing the same thing at BBHQ really make me want to thank God we are living in such comfort in all of our daily lives that we take it for granted that goodness is for free. Some people in Singapore don't even know where their next meal come from. So being really fortunate people, why not bless those with nothing at all? It's really a blessing to give, as to give means you have more than enough to use, so you give.

Long and Tiring Holiday

2007-11-23T23:20:00.000+08:00

It've been 4days since I posted anything on blog. Many apologies to becki for the late return of the book.
There are loads of holiday assignments to do! I wonder if I am able to complete everything by this year. However, I did try my best to complete some of the assignments. Hope that all the assignments will be completed by this year. Good luck to those who are still trying to clear their pile of homework like me.
It's Friday, so there's Energy Experience Programme at SP building (Not Singapore Poly but Singapore Power). The duration lasted for less than 2hours, so I was wondering why I have been wasting my time there! Have to go there again next Friday just to pass this course.
This holiday is boring, yet to be busy. There's our Os next year! Donut, I shall call it. I didn't want to call it zero, or you'll know what I mean.

SANA course after LDC1

2007-11-19T23:08:00.000+08:00

Home sweet home yesterday at 11am. Initially intended to go church, but Soon Lee and me decided not to go in the end as we slept for less than 3hours in the whole camp! I believed all the Year 3s were wearied out completely yesterday. Think I broke my new record of the least number of sleep in 3days. After coming back from the bus stop, I went straight to my room and laid like a log for about 7hours(1+ to 8pm).

The cause of our fatigueness are as follows. First night: Slept at 3am because of fire drill for the Year 1's. It was meant to be a surprise activity. I believe the Year 1s also felt the tiredness the following day. Second night: Did not sleep at all! There was Night Hike activity! Guess the checkpoints of the hike? The checkpoints led to Old Choa Chu Kang Road, which consisted of cemeteries.

The hike set off at 10pm. However when we reached the last few checkpoints along Old Choa Chu Kang Road, it is already 2am going on 3. As I walked pass Jalan Bahar Road, I thought I heard an old lady's voice chanting inside the forested area beyond the pathway. In the midnight at 2pm? I hafta be insane to imagine what I hear. Soon we entered the Chinese cemetery. Did see some "hallucinations" perhaps, but I wasn't afraid of them. What I was afraid of were the mosquitoes! I thought they didn't look like mosquitoes. Anyway, really got afraid of them. They are not mosquitoes, yet they suck even more blood than mosquitoes! Still having severe itchiness on my limbs.I was so worried that at anytime I scratch, a piece of flesh might get detached from my skin!

The previous time during the June Adventure Camp, there were numerous dogs at the cemetries in the night!(And Soon Lee's group got chased by them!) The difference this time is that the dogs were replaced by frogs! They grew some ponds near the cemetries! When I heard the croaking of the frog, I thought what it was! But the bravehearted Soon Lee told me that I am really hallucinating(without inverted commas).

In the Choa Chu Kang Columbrarium, there's a distance where we were in complete darkness. There was not a single street lamp. The left was full of tombstones. The right was full of tombstones too. What to do? Either look up to the sky or look in front, or else... And we looked up. It was beautiful, the stars were real stars, not satellites. They didn't blink. That was the only time where I could see such a beautiful piece of sky. There was no obstructing building to interfere the presence of these stars. There was no light, most of all. They really looked like the ones in drama series, where all along I didn't believe to be true as I thought all the stars have become fake stars(satellites).

The bus came to pick us at 6am. We arrived back at school at about 6.30. Everybody was shag tired, and we all snugged into our sleeping bags, departuring into lumberland within minutes. Past notice and it was 9am when we were finally asked to get up, and cleaned up the places and finally off to home.

Wonder if the Year 1s enjoyed it. I believe they did, especially the night hike, as it was their first experience at the cemetery. Hope they brought lessons home from this camp. If any of them see this, please remember: In order for a group to function, its members, not only the leader, must communicate well, as it is many times more important than finishing the task itself. It takes all to spell success.

For myself I think I also learnt something as a logistic i/c: that in order to control an unexpected situation you must not panick, even in the worst situation. When the night hike logistic list was confirmed at the eleventh hour, my face colour changed like Gobstopper! I thought I was almost unable to make it! In just 1hour! But in my heart I thought, give it a try for once and stay relax while packing the store.
So I did try my best to be calm, and it did work. I repacked the required things in less than an hour. Wonder how I did it also. But I want to thank God that I made it on time, or perhaps, way before time.

It's SANA course today! It was all kinds of Anti-Drug abuse talks again, as the ones presented in school. I wouldn't have feel curious of what is "high" if they hadn't inversely-psychoed me not to abuse drugs! Of course, I did knock myself back to my senses, that curiosity kills the cat. It's all about choices, in summary, which eventually lead to consequences. In conclusion of my opinion going there, I feel the length of the course abit too draggy, as the points were being repeated and repeated again. And I heard too much of anti-drug abuse talks, making me resistant to it. I got afraid of it seriously!

A few hours before LDC1

2007-11-16T10:34:00.001+08:00

By now, I can feel a few butterflies in my stomach already! This is my first time taking charge of logistics for a camp! But anyway I wonder why must I be nervous in anyway... It should be quite an easy role.

You like my blogskin? Kindly leave some comments behind in my cbox.

Should be leaving soon for camp, so will not be logging in for 3days! Gonna miss my blog! Till Sunday...

The eve of LDC1

2007-11-16T00:14:00.000+08:00

I really enjoyed today. At the eve of every camp, I would usually enjoy that particular last day before the camp. So I went to IMM in the afternoon at about 1. Just went there to change for a new dress that my mom had bought which has alterational problems. However we decided our eating destination to be Jurong Point.

And guess what? There were jammed vehicles horning in the carpark for almost 45minutes! And we were one of them! The congestion was so serious due to an accident which happened to only one vehicle. The "face" of the vehicle was disfigured, yet lucky for its owner to escape any kinds of injury. A vehicle that impacted so many other vehicles. So can you!

It's only the intention that differentiates the kind of impact that you will produce, if you intend your impact to be positive, it would be positive. Same goes for negative. Why not impact others with a positive intention, to change them to be positive people?

I was feeling a wee bit nervous for the camp, but it simmered down by abit now. Perhaps I should learn to relax...

3A Class Outing

2007-11-15T00:07:00.000+08:00

Today was a fun day yet also exhausting. Since 5pm, I've been going for rounds of cycling. I didn't like riding on Soon Lee's kind of bicycle; the wheels were so tall that I could hardly stand on it. It really hurt my bum! Almost got cramps while trying to step on it.

We decided to race, Soon Lee and me. He let me cycle before him(So gentlement!), however, I exposed his intention in the countless times he had overtaken me. He wanted to tease me! No matter how hard I cycled, he still managed to surpass me, and I feel so jealous that he was better than me in this area!

Rebecca also tried to cycle, which I thought was good effort, but also was disappointed that she did not endure through the process of success. The size don't matter. It's about your mind; what it thinks, what it believes!

I had never thought of being able to cycle with Soon Lee, cause my cycling, if you would to ask him, is "wonderful"! When we were training for Adventure Quest last year at Pulau Ubin, I crushed straight into a stationary lorry! And that was ever since I ever touch another bicycle again. Surprised to see me cycling today? I also asked myself this question too.

And I "did stunt" in the middle of the track, and everyone was stunned.(Nobody applauded? A stunt!) I lay in a perfect position on the ground with my bicycle still paddling! Then I found "red paint" on my knee. However, I thought Samuel almost gave a standing ovation...

Many thanks to Jin Long. I didn't realise my handle was overturned till you told me! No wonder I was cycling so awkwardly!

The barbeque was then set up. Then we saw Mr Kamarul, also wearing blue like us(but with stripes*)! Could see Dao Jian talking to him in an engrossed manner. Dao Jian might not be good-looking, however, he's a good and loyal friend! You may want to experiment my words by making friends with him.

Time really flies, especially the good ones. It was night before I started to realise. A good thing of BBQing at night: You will not be able to see the "chow tar" on the food you're eating! So you'll eat it anyway.

When we 3A gathered together for farewell to Wan Yin and Mr Kamarul, Mr Kamarul said he wanted to go to the toilet!!! ...and he never came back!

We wanted to say bye-bye but he left and we didn't find him until we realised we were tricked! So sad but I understand how he feels. Awkward to say farewell? And also the fear to tear in front of us....

Lazy Day again

2007-11-13T17:59:00.000+08:00

Just went to buy required logistics for the camp in the morning at IMM. Also had breakfast at McDonald's at West Coast Park. The whole afternoon is really slacky. I don't have the willpower to do my work now!So I have been blogging and taking forty winks most of the afternoon.

Nothing much to say anyway.

Packing Logistics for LDC1

2007-11-12T19:25:00.000+08:00

It's a dreamy day today. I slept from 8 to 12 in the morning and after packing the Logistics at school I went home and slept till 6.

Talking about the packing of store in the afternoon; me and Bee Cheng Hiang busy and engrossed in finishing the packing of the Logistic, until Lup Cheong and Ah Teh appear, so it dragged on till about 3.30pm. Was so hungry because I haven't had my lunch then.

So we decided to go to IMM for my lunch. They should not have came along with me this afternoon. They made fun of me! So dissappointed with them. They thought I was the Mark who was in the past, who can be pushed around with, who can endure all kinds of teasing. No longer!

11November(Sunday)

2007-11-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

Find my title weird? It's 11November today, and it's a Sunday. What's so significant of 11November? It's not 11November2011, though it is to come in 4years time.

However, what's so special? Don't be frustrated! I shall not let you guess any longer. It is Remembrance Day! This day is about commemorating the ones who fought and died in WW(I) [To recognise British's rule in the past], most of all commemorating the ones who laid their lives for Singapore's today in WW(II). The day of commemoration of both World Wars is known as Remembrance Day.

Initially, we went there(Ah Teh , Lup Cheong, and Me) to attend this event for an award known as Founder's man.

Lup Cheong came down late in the morning! However we didn't blame him as it should be our fault for not calling him for a wake up call! So he sped us to our destination(My officer, named Simon). I did not realise we're on rocket till I glanced the speed metre! It went to the max of 125Km/h! Thank God we arrived at the Kranji Memorial in 4complete pieces! I was so afraid that I got stunned stiff in my seat. He is indeed an expert in driving(or perhaps that's what I think).

We assembled at the KMH. There were so many Eurasians. At one side of the stage there was a girls' choir, and those girls ,needless to say, were cute! No fanciful minds please(ahem!).

So we fall-in(is fell-in appropriate in this context?), and almost rooted there for an hour. There was many narrating talks which naturally lullabied me to a trance. Lots of people almost got "hynotised" and fainted. It wasn't the speech that made us uncomfortable standing for such a long period of time. It's the slope where we fall-in that made us all restless! The height was different for both legs and we hafta limp a leg to balance ourselves.

Worse of all, I did not eat my breakfast! Thank God again I did not vomit(I felt nausea without food?! Weird). Straight after the ceremony, Simon sped us to the nearest "hospital" to get our "medication"(replace "hospital" for petrol station and "medication" for food).

At the monument located near City Hall, so surprised! We stood for the short ceremony for less than 10minutes! Went home after the whole event.

So weary after whole event! However, me and Ah Teh made an effort still to arrive at Expo for Church. Lup Cheong arrived late because of computer repair, and and Bee Cheng Hiang because his mother wants him to get tickets from SISTIC.

After service we got LDC1 commitee meeting. I almost freaked out because of many unconfirmed logistics! It would be LDC camp this coming Friday. Don't have to worry to much anyway; Bee Cheng Hiang will help me with logistics. Heard that he is more experienced in this area.

A day of my revival also, haha =).

A Saturday without BB parade

2007-11-10T20:48:00.000+08:00

There's no parade today. I woke up at about 9am to realise that it was already 9, where initially I thought of as 7 due to the downcast skies. This is the difference between a Saturday with BB and a Saturday without BB, that is, the alarm!

Once I got up, my parents also woke up(They stayed up till 4 last night)! After breakfast they told me we're going to my Uncle's house again to meet Luvyna(my new niece*).A whole day would be lost again just like this. I didn't mind, anyway, as it wasn't often.

So we went to Uncle's house. She got even thicker and longer hair! She's also cute. But she also throws tantrum sometimes. No one is perfect.

I've been glued to the screen for more than 4hours or so, playing computer games, looking at others' blog. Sometimes being busy is a kind of priviledge. You get to learn something when you reflect on your business. Being too free is meaningless. But being occasionally free is also crucial; you do not want to burn out, do you?

There's really not anything special to talk about today. Don't be dissappointed! More events are coming up for Founder's Man and Class Outings, and also Christmas! It won't end here.